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I am afraid to look for work.
I am afraid that I will fail on a better job.
I have interviewed poorly before.
I think I know what I have been doing wrong and will present myself better, but still, I fear interviews.
My manager is SO amazingly wretched that I'm beginning to feel a loss of self-respect because I am still working for this bozo. He wasn't always quite this bad, but he's been an exemplar of the Peter Principle for a long time:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Principle
...CC, if this dude can avoid getting fired? You can totally hold down a job somewhere in middle management. You are way, way smarter and more together than this turkey...
( I trained someone on my post last week, he's worked for the same guy for a while... I said of the manager " He used to be better than this," and the new guy agreed: " He's gotten worse." )
So, I have to fight this fear. Big fear.
I had a nervous breakdown in 2011, I got to get a bunch of repressed memories back, and find out I have other personalities. I was a wreck for a while. Getting a better job is a gamble, it will require me to handle more stress.
If I don't make more money, though, I won't have the money needed to get my fiance over here. I need to hire a good lawyer, because DHS is not down with the crazy. It may not matter that we will already be married, that I will be applying for a spousal visa. It may not matter that he is amazingly better on lithium. They will look at all the suicide attempts and hospitalizations and go " uh-uh, nope."
So I need a better job. Otherwise I will never get to live on the same continent with my guy.
I am afraid that I will fail on a better job.
I have interviewed poorly before.
I think I know what I have been doing wrong and will present myself better, but still, I fear interviews.
My manager is SO amazingly wretched that I'm beginning to feel a loss of self-respect because I am still working for this bozo. He wasn't always quite this bad, but he's been an exemplar of the Peter Principle for a long time:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Principle
...CC, if this dude can avoid getting fired? You can totally hold down a job somewhere in middle management. You are way, way smarter and more together than this turkey...
( I trained someone on my post last week, he's worked for the same guy for a while... I said of the manager " He used to be better than this," and the new guy agreed: " He's gotten worse." )
So, I have to fight this fear. Big fear.
I had a nervous breakdown in 2011, I got to get a bunch of repressed memories back, and find out I have other personalities. I was a wreck for a while. Getting a better job is a gamble, it will require me to handle more stress.
If I don't make more money, though, I won't have the money needed to get my fiance over here. I need to hire a good lawyer, because DHS is not down with the crazy. It may not matter that we will already be married, that I will be applying for a spousal visa. It may not matter that he is amazingly better on lithium. They will look at all the suicide attempts and hospitalizations and go " uh-uh, nope."
So I need a better job. Otherwise I will never get to live on the same continent with my guy.
The stakes are high, which means the pressure is high, which means the anxiety is [wait for it] high.
But you deserve it. You are a good person and a kind soul. I know this.
Keep breathing. Use ALL your "go to" methods of managing down your own anxiety.
When it comes to interviews .... focus on your breathing for a couple of days before.
REALLY focus on your breathing the day of -- phone OR in person.
And .... when the face-to-face things happen ..... take a pause before you speak. Take another pause between sentences. If we can slow down the mechanical things (like speech and walking, for example), then we can slow down the mind ... just enough.
And ... then ... you'll be great.
I know you will.
To whatever extent you can, forget what you know -- that this means a LOT to you. Try to 'unload' it. Try to make it mean a whole lot less .... however you can.
Pretend any interview is just a dress rehearsal -- a warm-up for the REAL interview.
Best of luck ! I'll do what passes as "praying for you" in my world !
Let's do an experiment. You are the boss and you have 2 employees both are equal in personality, and abilities.
For your experiment you talk nicely to one, encourage that employee, and you allow the employ to participate in creating their own job. You never get angry at this person, you sit and explain in a calm reassuring voice any job corrections.
For the other you never have a nice word to say. You micro manage the employee, give them so much work they cannot get it down and then scold them publically when they fail to complete the work. You never invite them meetings or tell them what is going on. You are very hard on this person and never give them an inch. There day is hell from the time they get in to the time they leave.
Now which employee is the happy one? Of course it is employee 1 who is treated like they are part of the solution, part of the team.
Well, getting well is kind of like that blue, you have to treat yourself like person 1. You cannot be success without doing that, you cannot get well without doing that. Your first job is to stop beating yourself up and talking nice to yourself. If the negative voice comes back, tell yourself that is simply not true what it is saying. T
I now you got this, you were able to list a whole lot of skills you have and that is so hard for me to do. Congrats on being able to recognize your strengths.
Fortunately we are what we tell ourselves, so make a positive statement. If will feel weird for a bit, but you will get use to it and you will see your life change right before your eyes.
Talk nice to yourself Blue, please
What country is your fianc from? Suicide attempts? Lithium? Doesn't sound like a stable guy... Not judging, but you need a rock, not another person who's got issues. How long have you known him? Have you spent much one on one time with him?
Maybe it's a blessing he's not here yet... That situation makes me nervous.
I'm underpaid, but in a job that's tailored to me, so it's a trade off. I also don't have anyone depending on me like I used to. When I did I felt that pressure you speak of, and it's awful. Your list of skills sounds really marketable, but a person can interview poorly anyway, as you say. I know I have.
I guess the thing to do is to decide you might as well be as lucky as anyone else, and consider every application you fill out to be like buying a lottery ticket. Somebody's going to buy the winning ticket, so it might as well be you. It helps take the pressure off of making myself feel like I should be totally in control of the situation. I remember some of it is dumb luck, and I've had so much bad luck I'm due for a lucky break some time. Much support to you.
Honestly, half of job finding is as much random chance/luck as it is anything. I once lost out on a job because the guy who interviewed me was worried I'd do so well I'd take *his* job! (That got back to me because he yapped about it and forgot my hubby worked in the same company. Whoops!) It isn't just about We The Applicants. The interviewers have issues too, and those as much as anything can be the factor at play, so don't take it all on *you*, okay?