most gentle of hugs, I can share that I have an insane mother who somehow alwys managed to be most actively vocal and needy when I most needed her to not be that way. it is horrible and exhausting is not enough of a word to describe that kind of tired - it was part of it, she needed to empty me, I needed to b turned ot dust. I didn't know that part of course.
I found out something - it is alright to give yourself permission to do things to protect yourself from her.
you can give yourself permission to turn off your phone - or...the something you can do to make her calls silent??? I am not phone savy - but you know what I mean.
you can have a sudden important appointment you must get to right away. (you can have appointments with yourself - you are allowed to have appointments w/yourself and you don't need to disclose this info or explain yourself to anyone about them) - these are super doper handy
if I think of more I will share them, hugs

I very much like what Lilly said. I have also given myself permission to protect myself from my mother. I find it very guilt-inducing but prefer that to the alternative.

I already started feeling guilty. thank you for the replies!!

Protect yourself. Tell her if she can't talk about positive convos then you won't be able to talk to her because it tips off your PTSD. Big Hugs.

OR, when she starts this sort of topic, gently hang up and turn off your phone for awhile. when asked later - IF asked later - your phone was overheated and the battery was dead. my phone overheats with a dead battery. it will not allow me to charge it while the battery is still hot, I have to wait until it cools off before I am allowed to charge it. this may begin to give you some room for breathing. little thisis and that's to break it up and give you space x

Isn't this why we have caller ID and answering machines? Of course, machines do nothing to ease the guilt, but the general gees of it do provide opportunity to pull out the therapy exercises I use to counter my guilt conditioning. In a couple of the harder cases, I kept program materials near the phone so that I could have them handy from the first trigger. I never had to go through this with parental units, but siblings and several others have boxed me into this corner. No fun. Gentle support while you find a way to deal with it, dsf.

She told me to call her back... Now she won't answer the phone. I know she is mad at me for saying her twin brother had been an a-hole to her and she should forget her brothers. But I've told her over and over again that I don't want to talk about it. I'm never allowed to say mean things but I'm supposed to take any thing she says.

Once when my mom called, I typed out the things that she was saying into a journal. It was sort of a reality check, and reassurance that my response really wasn't out of line. All I can say is that you've got my sympathies, Patti

As Donnawanda said, having boundaries with a mom does mean dealing with a lot of guilt, but I have protected myself from mine for five years now and they've been the most productive years for me in my personal growth. It wasn't easy. My mom is so manipulative she stole another man's business out from under him, he died of a heart attack from the stress of it all, and she took me to his funeral where she put on a show of grief shamelessly in front of me. It's been worth the price paid in guilt for me, the best choice I ever made.

I don't have an abusive mother, but I can sympathize being that my mom has bipolar and calls my phone about 10x a day to rant and rave every single time she is freaking out. And she freaks out about everything. If all looks normal on the horizon, she will conjure up something out of thin air so she has something to freak out about. Anyway, the point I'm getting to is I often have to ignore her calls or straight up hang up on her otherwise I end up spending hours on the phone trying to talk her down from her emotional frenzy. My husband is sick of it and it effects the people around me (if I'm at a social gathering or doctor's appt). Having boundaries is healthy. My mom can get upset when I don't answer for days, but that's what I have to do if I want to keep my marbles. And then when I explain to her later, sometimes she takes it really hard, but other times she seems understanding depending on her mood and clarity. Best of luck to you and I hope you muster up the strength to do what's healthy for the both of you. Gentle hugs....

My mother (God rest her soul) and dad (sadistic narcissist) were not the greatest environment. I feel as you do --- live with family insanity long enough and WE become insane. It hurts to know I was born OK, but was damaged so badly. There is hope and light at the end of tunnel, however. Keep working on yourself and your life, make YOU the best you that you can be. We had no power as kids. As adults we do.

Thank you so much for all replies!