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I have a tendency to take things at face value. This is a double edged sword. On one hand it keeps me from over thinking everything someone says to me. On the other hand, I feel I am lacking insight many times.
For instance, some days I hate all men. I am convinced that they are all sociopaths unable to care even a tiny bit for something outside of themselves. When I get this feeling I recognize it as coming from childhood experiences and know it is an inaccurate view so I dismiss it. The thing is though, I think I have been missing the whole point. The point being is that there must be something that is making me feel that way at that particular time. Am I feeling threatened? Is the threat a person or situation? Am I feeling vulnerable? Am I angry? Sad? I dont stop to question my motivation for feeling the way I do.
The same thing with anxiety. I can accept I am feeling anxious but I dont look past it to find out why I am feeling anxious. Maybe the why doesnt always matter but I think my ability to accept everything at face value is limiting my growth.
Ive also learned that I dont care for feelings much. I dont like to sit with my feelings. Feelings are so messy. I feel like I have to fix all of my feelings. I dont want to feel the least bit uncomfortable. Gah!!! I feel so messed up! I am looking into having weight loss surgery and it will be more important than ever that I learn to stop eating my feelings. I dont even know if I can do this.
For instance, some days I hate all men. I am convinced that they are all sociopaths unable to care even a tiny bit for something outside of themselves. When I get this feeling I recognize it as coming from childhood experiences and know it is an inaccurate view so I dismiss it. The thing is though, I think I have been missing the whole point. The point being is that there must be something that is making me feel that way at that particular time. Am I feeling threatened? Is the threat a person or situation? Am I feeling vulnerable? Am I angry? Sad? I dont stop to question my motivation for feeling the way I do.
The same thing with anxiety. I can accept I am feeling anxious but I dont look past it to find out why I am feeling anxious. Maybe the why doesnt always matter but I think my ability to accept everything at face value is limiting my growth.
Ive also learned that I dont care for feelings much. I dont like to sit with my feelings. Feelings are so messy. I feel like I have to fix all of my feelings. I dont want to feel the least bit uncomfortable. Gah!!! I feel so messed up! I am looking into having weight loss surgery and it will be more important than ever that I learn to stop eating my feelings. I dont even know if I can do this.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
i do the same on the anxiety in that i cannot look past it. I often question why i need to know where it comes from, just take care of it. i know this isn't the best way and wonder if it is limiting my growth. I just wrote a journal kind of about this same thing.
you can do it :)
An example of a false reading out of my own, strictly personal reading is, "ALL cosmetically enhanced women are shallow and manipulative hypocrites. DO NOT TRUST."
I KNOW better, but. . . That kiddie whorehouse conditioning is tough to overcome. The "painted" women were often the ones who prepped and carried the kids for the slaughter. Cosmetic queens are a powerful trigger for me. Probably always will be.
I acknowledge the prejudice and ask, "How important is it?" Is the cosmetic woman who is triggering the response going to be a part of my life or is her presence as temporary as the cover of a fashion rag? Temporary? Let it go. Permanent? I work on it.
My *thought* on this one is... consider rationally what the outcome will be if you do not address those feelings.
My *feeling* on it is... I hear ya. I hate sitting there and analyzing these amorphous blobs of yuck that are often my "feelings". It's just confusing and weird and makes me revisit things I do not like.
Hugs of support. You can do whatever you decide.
I was reminded of some typical negatives about some women, when the female bartender dished out judgement about all the creepy young men she's forced to reject because she's just so desirable. of course, men themselves can be rejecting and vain. Maybe everyone is different and flawed.