I'm so sad for what everyone has been through, I know true evil exists.
I somehow feel what I survived was not so harsh, but it was from several sources and ongoing till I got out on own, and then also had some issues. I remember as a child praying every night that I might wake up somewhere else in the morning. that's all i'll go into now.

Mine is from childhood and early adult abuse. Physical, sexual, emotional...

I can't read the comments below..

As a kid my dad would periodically throw people through windows. My sister would try to kill me - I was beaten down to the point that I did not speak for almost a decade as a child.

In the Army at age 26, I had a misdiagnosed etopic pregnancy. I was screamed at for passing out while on duty and given extra duties. I just soldiered up and worked the next month in agony.. until the pregnancy burst. When I was finally admitted into a civilian hospital, my husband was arrested for beating me and beaten by the arresting officer. It took the surgeon who was rushing me into surgery vouching that I was not beaten to get him released. (starting to black out... might not finishthis...) I had two blood transfusions in the next 24 hours. Not only was thebaby still alive when they took him out, but they told me about how it took him six hours to die. I was 16 weeks pregnant.

I was hospitalied twice more in the following weeks dur to complications.

Six months later I had a partial miscarriage. I hammoraged for thre weeks before being given an emergcny DandC without any anesthesia. I hemmoraged for an additoanal three weeks agter tha.

For the enxt 20 years, my monthly cyclems brought hemmoraging to the poit that I have had several blood tansfusions unti lthey finally cauterized my uterus three years ago

worry this is not really readable.. it is the firs time I have let meyself remember in over a decade what happened

I know it's not a contest, but boy, do I feel like a whiny baby right now...

Neighbor boy did things to me I can only slightly remember. Things a 6 year old girl should not be doing.

Dad would beat me bare-@$$ed till I was a teen-ager and pull me around by the hair and once put his hands around my throat.

Then, there was the good old fashioned verbal abuse to my mother and me.

Mom did nothing, but swears she was a good mom.

Yep- that's my life. Feels good to condense it to such a short summary, actually.

I don't feel comfortable answering this for some reason.

I know I had narcissistic parents who did not love me, who projected all kinds of crap onto me and punished me for it with hostility and abuse. I was also sexually abused from the beginning.

I didn't know what PTSD was or why I was so messed up despite years of therapy until I read "Trauma and Recovery" a couple years ago and discovered how much of my life was spent in a state of emotional flashback.

I have that book, too. It really helped.

51percent, if your mom left in you in the tub when you were an infant and you slid under the water and she only came and got you because your 2 or 3 year-old brother went and got her, would you count that as attempted murder? Would you think the baby might experience it that way? This happened to me, and my mother tells the story without any appearance of horror or remorse, as if it's just a cute story. I find myself feeling intense rage about it, as if she did indeed unconsciously want me dead.

My main trauma is multiple pregnancy losses that were very traumatic for me. That's when it really started to hit. I've lost five unborn children and have horribly vivid flashbacks and cry a lot. I am also pregnant and my pregnancy has lots of risks with it. Currently I've started havin seizures. Ive got many conditions making this pregnancy uncertain for both me and my unborn twins. I also have had health conditions almost kill me on multiple occasions, got beat up a lot before I finally transferred into private school in high school, a ridiculing family that still ridicules, and in the past as a teenager had a guy attempt to rape me (I got away but it still bothers me to this day- because of disturbing memories even though that was many years ago). All of these things kind of build. They've always disturbed me but once I started losing babies I had panic attacks. When I lost the first on I was just graduating from college and it wAs second trimester. Now I have this high risk pregnancy that is putting my twin babies and my life at risk. I'm also having seizures and never have before.

All this just builds for me and causes panic attacks and flashbacks a lot. I was once told by someone you have to go through being in a war and that's the only way to get PTSD and there are other ways to get it. There are a lot of emotional and physical traumas as well.

1) paranoid schizophrenic mother
2) abandonment, child abuse by nannys age 1-6
3)severe sibling abuse
3)12-13 hostage situation drugged and raped for months
4) continued severe sibling abuse


As an adult I had gone through I do not know why attracting some serious emotional sadists into my life..much like my "family"...It has added to the PTSD among very stressful life situations

As I read these comments, I am both amazed at the sheer strength and determination to survive, as well as terrified of the world in which I raise my son. I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug... Thank you so much for sharing your very intimate details. Though I wish I weren't learning about this disorder first hand, I do find it fascinating.

There are a lot of events that happened in my life that I did not mention. Sometimes I "forget" certain things because the events of the past three years have gravely overshadowed all other issues. I'm fairly certain I was molested as a child, but I do not know who the perpetrator may have been. It wasn't until I was in college and had a bizarre flashback (maybe just a thought?) of a man hovering over me while I slept. I couldn't make out who he was or where we were and the potential of remembering something like that frightened me enough to not allow myself to think about it anymore. In one of my psychology classes, we learned about how abuse can interfere with a child's development. It was easy to spot some of the signs in myself when it came to emotional abuse (and it was no secret that my step-mother was terrible to me... something neither my mother nor father did anything about), but what frightened me was when I learned about the signs of sexual abuse. A few weeks later I asked my dad if I was ever molested and I was terrified when I saw his startled look on his face. His hesitated answer was, "I don't *think* so... But I always wondered... Your uncle showed a particular interest in you and displayed some inappropriate affection. As soon as I noticed, he was removed from your life." And that's all I've ever spoken about it.

I was raped two years ago by my then boyfriend, I was diagnosed around the age 21 I think, along with Agoraphobia.

TW

The one my tdoc and I just pulled up. At 19i was hang raped am night and into the day at a party

I was too tired from playing in the oven on my honeymoon to have consensual Dec so the night I was maid my more ex husband raped me

When I was 21 my son was four months old and i was fairly content with life with my then fiance and son. Suddenly after a night of my then fiances drinking and drug use he took a shot gun and put it in his mouth smiled at me and pulled the trigger. He survived. Hes severely disfigured and is still using drugs and drinking. I learned after this incident he is bi polar. We are no longer together and i have full custody of my son. I now suffer from ptsd. November 19th this year marked the one year date of the attempted suicide.

OMG reading over everybody's stories makes me feel physically sick! OMG I just hurt for you all. Lord I pray you heal their hearts. Surround then with comfort and make your love more real to them everyday.

My PTSD stems from childhood but hasn't quite finished it's journey yet. My twin sister and I were in a sex ring at my dads church from age 4 to 11. So many horrible things happened it's too hard to talk about. We were also subjected to child abuse and neglect throughout childhood. In college I was drug raped and forced into an abortion. Then I ended up homeless living on the streets and in shelters in downtown Kansas City. It was there where I started dating an Ex boyfriend that relationship ended when he left me for dead after kidnapping and torturing me well over a week. Then 6 months later after I was trying to get my life back on track my roommate killed herself and I found her the next day. I was raped again in 2012 at a gas station. Then my ex who tried to kill me found me and beat me again, I entered shelter and thinking I was safe got my own place and he found me again. The last time this happened was in August of 2014. I just left a battered women's shelter January 2. He is finally back in prison serving the rest of his sentence. Praying and hoping that he either gets killed in prison or is finally done trying to kill me.
In a nut shell, that's my trauma.

I am both shocked and appalled at some of the things you all have gone through. i am also very proud of each of you for finding the strength to be on here and support one another.

i was not actively abused as a child. i wasnt even horribly neglected. I was left alone for the most part. needs like food and clothing were readily met but that was the extent of my care. I witnessed my mother beating on my father and occasionally on my sister. we attended church every sunday. at 15 my 22 year old bf forced himself on me and i told noone. eventually we got married because i learned in church that once you have sex ur married to that person in God's eyes and noone ever mentioned what if you were forced. I spent 15 years trying to forget it and just be a good christian wife. i was really good at doing what i was told. i lost so much of myself that my sister dragged me to the dr and got me on mood balancers and antidepressants. I had an affair that started out making me feel like a desirable woman and ended up with me just feeling dirty and ashamed for along time. I dont feel dirty or ashamed anymore. I recognize that i was just looking for someone to love ME not because i was obedient or well behaved.
I am finally strong enough to walk away from my husband and stand on my own feet. the anxiety is hard to overcome esp when it triggers horrid migraines but i am capable and i can learn to deal with whatever comes my way.

you have all helped me so much by sharing how you center yourselves and how you handle triggers.