I went decades in "I'm fine" till I was "can't function right" and then "can't function at all".

Therapy is why I'm alive, here, sane, and cutting back on therapy sessions. But it took finding good therapists. I asked medical docs I trusted for recommendations on local practices of therapists, and the one they agreed on was hte one I tried. So far, so good, five years later. Did get a different therapist at one point, but it was time to move, and that's okay. And the first try wa s ahorror! That's not rare.

Therapies that are combined bits of methods --- some of this, some of that, some f this other stuff --- work best for me. I felt worse for the first many months, but I knew *why* I did. Same reason physical therapy sucks. Healing can hurt like the dickens. Ouch ouch ouch. You're getting things poked at that aren't feeling good to start.

Some of us prefer female therapists ot male, or vice versa, and for some it's not a big deal.

Wait on what the thearpist says. When we let stuff build up to such a point --- and boy do I, at least! ---opening those doors just means the stuff keeps flowing. We're admitting. We're letting it hurt. And it's not going to go away in an hour or two. Not when we've worn out those coping strategies to the point they don't work, and we can't, either.

Big puma support. Been in your shoes, wondered a lot, and then... Well, so glad I persevered.

Thanks Leo, I appreciate your comment. Especially thanks for comparing emotional therapy to physical therapy, your analogy makes more sense to me. I'm just really afraid of it hurting. I feel like several years is enough time to hurt. I just want the pain to go away, you know? And I know it won't go away overnight, but usually I feel better right away and the fact that I don't makes it harder, you know?

Anway, thank you for your insight and kind words.

Welcome. I have had different modes of therapy over the years, but always face to face. We give a lot of information with body language, etcetera, that isn't there online. Nothing unusual about your reaction to putting out all that information. It somehow makes it real when we actually put it into words. The therapist may not have heard it yet, but you did. Plus there was no feedback or interaction; no therapy yet. Hope that makes sense. We are here for you. Hugs.

Thanks Simpsons. While you're right about the immediacy of face to face therapy, I personally don't feel comfortable face to face. Maybe that's because of my social anxiety or because I don't feel like I can say the words out loud - at least without sobbing. While you're very right about body language, I just feel like it's easier for me to write about my experiences than to say them. But thank you for your advice. I appreciate it.

It took me a longer time to go to therapy. Then I didn't like my first therapist, and almost didn't try again.

For me, it was such a relief to have an impartial third party to talk to. I could let out some ugly thoughts and feelings, and she wasn't horrified, and I didn't have to worry about burdening her or worrying her like I did with friends and family.

I initially dreaded the sessions (appointment anxiety), but came to view them as my mental workouts in the midst of tons of physical therapy. Sessions to tune up my body, sessions to tune up my brain. :)

I cry a lot in therapy. They're used to that. It's part of the job description, to quote my current therapist: "Keep kleenex handy." And it's okay to cry and sob. B/c it's nasty stuff. Nobody should be able to talk about it as if it's not, IMHO.

Puma support.

Find a therapist who clicks with you but one that uses a method that clicks with you too.

My 1st therapist was cold as ice. Her at-home writing assignments were OK and I didn't mind them... but when it came to the face to face appointments, I felt like it was more like an FBI interrogation session than a therapy session.

The counselor after her was awesome. He had a way of keeping me focused on the positive things in life, my strengths, and looking ahead (not behind) that I am in control of my future. I wish I could have that again.

After we moved I was stuck with a therapist who only did Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She was nice but the CBT did not mix well with me and I had nightmares every night. I asked her if there was anything else but she swore by CBT only and said I had to push through it if I wanted to get well. I tried to but couldn't and dropped out.

My current counselor is a nice laid back guy. I can tell him anything and he won't judge me. I like the counselor but wish there were some methods I can use to help in my healing process.

I agree with BlueSky 100%: "Find a therapist who clicks with you but one that uses a method that clicks with you too."

I sometimes cry in therapy, too, there's nothing wrong about that. Things that can be hard for me to speak out I write down in advance, then read them aloud during the session.

" I feel like several years is enough time to hurt. I just want the pain to go away, you know?" I hear you and I can relate so well. I'm sorry you're feeling this pain. I really wish there was an easy way out, but I haven't found one, so... sometimes frustrated, sometimes exhausted, sometimes discouraged I still keep going because I see no other way.

Someone said not long ago: "The only way out is through." I'm afraid that's true.

Support to you, I really hope you find the help you need and so much deserve.

Hey Girl, most important that you have begun the journey. A good therapist will always have a box of tissues within reach for you. It is our safe space. They will pick out the few things we say in the midst of the tears, and as sessions continue, we speak more. I have always interviewed the therapist before setting an appointment. Healing hugs.

My two cents is that I went to therapy for years with so so results. Then when I moved to another state for a job and happened to find a therapist with PTSD special training, it made all the difference. It wasn't that the others were bad, it was just like going from black and white tv to color. This PTSD therapist worked for the VA by day, and with private practice patients by night. I'm not a military vet, so I never thought I'd talk to a specialist like him, but boy, was I lucky. I'd say try to find a PTSD therapist like I did.

Thank you all for the kind words and advice. It is greatly appreciated.