Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Wasting my time

jljlost
jljlost

I hate that my PTSD wastes so much of my time.Yesterday I decided to drive (a big trigger but I can't give up trying) to my brother's house. I moved just a few months ago so am not familiar with the area. Anyway, he lives where I lived most of my life. It is about 120 miles away. I get lost no matter how good directions are. I mean really lost. I ended up on the wrong freeway about 200 miles away. I didn't know how to get home and didn't know where I was. I had been driving for about 4 hours. I called him and asked for help. He said 'oh, just get back on I80 west'....I didn't know how to get back on I80 W, I was on 5. This was about 2 PM. So I kept driving, looking for something I recognized. Finally at MIDNIGHT I was so panicked I stopped, parked and hid in my trunk waiting for it to be light again. Then I decided to try 911, but didn't need the grief. He would probably take one look at me and figure I was doing drugs. Crying, panicky, hyper,confused, frightened. I finally tried calling a taxi but couldn't tell him where I was. I don't even remember much of the night,but it did get light finally. It was a 300 mile ride home. My brother doesn't understand what my problem is. All he said was 'It would have been nice to see you'. People just don't understand. PTSD sure is a waste of time.

arfie
arfie
Waste of time? Hm-m-m-m. . . I s'pose cancer recovery and school can be viewed as a waste of time, too, but. . . It's not a waste in my book, but it is quite amazing how many ways there are to view life.

Which is not to minimize the horror of what you went through yesterday. Gentle support while you recover. Congrats on persevering long enough to get yourself home. Hope you are being extra gentle with yourself and plying lots of extra self care to the recovery.

Funny thing about that getting lost business in my life is that I am a road warrior who has navigated 3 continents on my own, but when I get close to any of my birth family centers, whether I have lived there or not, I get lost with a cruelty equal to what you describe. It routinely leaves me shaking and crying at the side of unknown streets. Owie, yeowie, triple howl yeowlie.

Have you put together a survival kit for these ventures? Traveling prepared helps me allot.
Nester4U
Nester4U
It's called recovery and you my friend took a huge step by just getting out with a plan to see your brother..so it was a victory in my book!! There is always another try and no effort is a waste of time..Easy does it. Give yourself a pat on the back for me!!
donnawanda
donnawanda
I agree with the previous comments. I also want to say that if you have a smart phone, you probably have GPS on it (the Maps app) unless you're in an area where there is no coverage. So the phone can help you navigate and find your way around. You don't have to look at it - it will say the directions out loud in a timely manner.

Sorry if I was stating the obvious and there's a reason that doesn't work for you.
Rizen
Rizen
Driving's a big trigger for me too but I need to learn before my mom dies. Good for you for giving it a try even though it's scary.
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