Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I have never been able to envision myself as a victim- even when I truly was one! My PTSD is attributed primarily to the violent lovers I was involved with over a 20-year period. Ten of them went to jail or prison for attempted murder against me. Two of them died in prison. I was always in the courthouse as a "witness for the State." There were only two domestic violence judges here, and I kept appearing before them about a different man. It was humiliating. But I would not tolerate being a man's victim. You beat me or break my bones or bite my nose off, you are going to jail. Whatever drives a man to turn on his lover- jealousy, insecurity, rage from his own life experience- there is no excuse. Many women will not fight back- not physically- but in the courts. But if an abuser gets away with it, he will certainly repeat his violent behavior towards another woman.
I felt like the Poster Child for Domestic Violence.
But I also saw my own part in the problem. Alcohol was always involved. Not drugs- but alcohol is a drug- perhaps the most powerful drug. It increases our emotions and clouds our "executive brain" so that we cannot make rational decisions. My relationships with such violent men were charged with sexual passion. They occurred during the peak of my own sexuality, between 35-50. No one forced me into these wild relationships. I chose them. And when they became violent, I ended them.
It has been 13 years now since I have been engaged in a violent relationship. At present I choose not to be in any intimate relationship. I have good friends- both men and women- and that satisfies my need for companionship. I no longer need a man to validate me. I no longer am tormented by a sex drive that endangered my life many times over. (The psyche meds and yoga and meditation help!}
If anything, I was a "complicit victim." I own my share of the responsibility. But now I am very cautious of who I let close to me. Most of my friends have been long-term, decades of friendship and trust.
I consider my PTSD a guard against invovement with any more psychopaths, to which I am clearly inclined.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
I ask because, ten is a really high number of relationships at that level of violence.
It's literally the only book that I read for free...and then bought. It's also the only book that 'I didn't learn anything from, but was able to express my thoughts in a clearer manner in order to explain to others what I was thinking'.
In particular, he has a list of questions to ask a potential babysitter. This is the kind of stuff that I used to ask, questions that would drive my ex crazy. After I showed him the book, my ex backed off on giving me a hard time about the questions.
The thing is...that the same sorts of questions work in all circumstances. From whom to ask for a ride home (so have you ever had a DUI?) to a job (have you ever had an employee come and ask for your help?), to boyfriends (have you ever had a girlfriend who was scared of you?)
https://gdba.com/child-safety/#questions-for-prospective-nannies
I don't know how to change my trusting nature- always believing in the goodness of human nature. Perhaps this book will help me. Thank you,
http://bestbookquotes.blogspot.com/2017/07/75-gift-of-fear-quotes-by-gavin-de.html
One of the most common errors in selecting a boyfriend or spouse is basing the prediction on potential. This is actually predicting what certain elements might add up to in some different context:He isn’t working now, but he could be really successful. He’s going to be a great artist—of course he can’t paint under present circumstances. He’s a little edgy and aggressive these days, but that’s just until he gets settled.
Listen to the words: isn’t working; can’t paint; is aggressive.
― Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence
I agree with the info Patti shared about red flags.... I think that they're there pretty early on..... Maybe not physical right away but things that aren't quite right and often the insults and temper show at least in small ways early on...… Saying no can be a life saver for sure..... Big hug......xo