Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

10,127 Members
27,615 Posts
0 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Vent

undeservingaspie
undeservingaspie

I worked with my psychatric nurse(cpn) for 4 years. He acted as a nurse but also as a counsellor and kinda therapist to me. He was always at end the phone no matter how ever many millions of crisis I had. 


Because of my autism spectrum syndrome I found emotions very difficult to explain. I'd often reply with I don't know what's wrong. He would always help me figure it out and he was the one in my 10 years of being in mental health services who got me helping myself with skills he taught me. 


Anyway I moved away 3 weeks ago and now he is totally out of my life.


I met my new cpn last week. She seemed nice enough. We went through my history as I totally dissociated and spilled out the life story I have told to many professionals over the years. 


Anyway she tried to call me today. I would always answer the phone to my old cpn but today I didn't answer the phone not call her back.i didn't feel like it, I've no trust there. I don't feel like having to start all over again. I'm still too sad I've lost my old cpn. Feels like no one will ever be as good as him.i miss him. I started wishing he was a dad to me. I know that's not healthy either. But he was building up my trust that not all men are monsters.he had a way that just helped me a great deal.now he is gone. 4 years worth of work and understanding back to step 1 cos I had to move. 


What if this new one can't cope with my autism and my  poor understanding of emotions and poor communication skills. I'm sure I'm getting worse not better last few months. I'm shutting down I guess. 


I know I have give this new cpn a chance but I'm not allowing it right now. 


Anyway in the end she ended up sending me a text message with date of my next appointment. I'm not used to that. My old cpn never texted it was all phone convos or face to face. But I guess today it was helpful as I really didn't fancy trying. 


Tw I feel I need to self harm tonight. It's been building up last few days but I've stopped myself. Today I'm not so sure I want to not do it. I do want to it. Nothing dangerous but something. Seeing blood helps me and the gentle pain. It's the punishment I deserve and need. 


Anyway I'm waffling. Sorry. 


Zen4life
Zen4life
Hi underservingaspie,

Having difficulty trusting your new therapist is understandable. Imagine how long it took you to trust your old therapist. You;ve gotten comfortable with him and no doubt feel resentment that you had to switch therapist now.

As for feelings for your old therapist, it can also be common. It's the doctor/savior relationship for patients. It's appreciation that leads to other emotions. The job of the doctor is to keep it separate from personal. You've heard of never dating the patient right?

Having said that, can you do a remotely therapy session with your old therapist? Mine can do phone calls or Skyping.
undeservingaspie
undeservingaspie
No he works for the nhs Staying in contact is simply a no go. Not even friends. I have no romantic feelings for him what's so ever. Itd just be cool to stay in contact every few months though but we can't.
Thanks for ur reply.
arfie
arfie
Change is hard, even when it is solidly for the better.

Gentle hopes that the trust grows and the healing pay-off is worth the discomfort.
silverlight
silverlight
((((( aspie ))))

Your feelings are natural. You established a level of trust with your old cpn that became of such great value to you.

Starting all over again with someone new is so hard,i know.
i hope in time you can come to trust your new cpn.

In the meantime,no,aspie,you do not deserve to hurt yourself with self harm.You have no reason to punish yourself.
Please stay safe.

((((( hugs ))))
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Aspie, of course anticipating the move was going to be difficult. Yes, you are grieving the person who is no longer in your life. You are grieving all you left behind in this move. That includes, stores, streets, everything. Feel free to share my reply with the new cpn if it helps to have words. Moving is a hard thing for "normal" people, but much more difficult for us. Way too much change. Calming and healing hugs.
Rachelgrinnell
Rachelgrinnell
You seem to be better at expressing your feelings than you think and I’m sure you will find many more people in your life that you will connect with. Also, since your old nurse means so much to you and will always be a special person in your life, I would suggest trying to stay in touch with him through phone or emails, tell him how much he will always mean to you and even though your far away and he can’t be your nurse anymore, you want to remain friends
AnnieToman
AnnieToman
i understand autism some, my son had autism, guess he got it from me. one thing i understand is autistic people dont like change, if something works for them they resist changing it. found that out from my son. second autistics can be strong minded stubborn people dead set in there ways . yes even as mild as i have it which is very hard to detect , i have these traits to a lesser degree. i see your a high functional autistic. you may be autistic but your not crazy, eventually i see you'll have to deal with matters and develop a new routine that works for you. if you keep fighting change , thats all youll have is change and thats not what you want. it order and stability and acceptance is the only way you'll get there. ITS like in star trek the borge said resistance is futile
Beatha
Beatha
Change is difficult and always a very hard time. Your grief because you can't work with your old cpn anymore and you can't stay in touch with him is so understandable. I still remember therapists/nurses who supported me through difficult times even though I haven't seen them in many years. I think you will keep remembering your old cpn too. In that sense, the new nurse will not replace him. It will be different. I hope it will be good for you.¨

I wish you much strength through the changing/adjusting time.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I'm with silver, aspie, it seems to me that your feelings are natural. As I read how you wrote about your autism and how it makes it difficult to explain your emotions, I was impressed by the level of self awareness you've developed over the years. I'm not autistic, and I'm with you: I find if difficult to explain my emotions, too. To ME, for starters.

I find it hard to answer the phone as well. No kidding. When it's going to be about emotions, I'm tempted to let it go to voicemail. Don't beat yourself up about getting through this change. Your feelings seem natural to me. All support to you.
Kate1976
Kate1976
I agree here with what many have said. Moving is difficult on anyone! New therapist is going to take a bit of time for trust. My therapist of 3 years told me that many people take 2-3 sessions before there is a level of trust to open up. I took 6 just to start talking. Be patient with yourself as you work through this process. You aren’t bad. You are human. Sending comforting hugs!
undeservingaspie
undeservingaspie
Thank you everyone . I need speak to the new therapist last few days but still avoiding it. I see her next Tuesday, I'm just make sure I go to that appointment.

Thanks again.
jewells1
jewells1
Hugs.
StrengthofMind
StrengthofMind
Give her a chance. She did call....a good sign. The road goes two ways. She's trying to be there yet you don't answer your phone for her? That sends a message too. It's just as hard for her to follow in the footsteps of a trusted caregiver. It's really hard to change and it takes a lot of hard work. I moved about six years ago and it took me a good 12-18 months to find someone to trust again. I found I needed a male therapist. I just couldn't connect with a female. Something to think about. Sorry you had to change. None of us really need that stressor in our lives. It's tough enough. (((Hugs))). Don't give up you need the support.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    My Diary

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    7
    I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying.  I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there.  I think that I will start writing in it again.  It's so therapeutic.  
  • Vince3789

    Missing Therapy

    Posted by: Vince3789
    Last Reply: hasty_05
    5
    First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...