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Upset by friend request

dsf95
dsf95

Got a friend request from an ex-ballroom dance studio owner in another city. I didn't think much about it because he's also friends on social media with a lot of my West Coast swing friends and I accepted it, but then I remembered that my ex dance instructor who assaulted me also lives in that city. I checked and this person is also friends on social media with him.  


I'm almost tempted to delete this friend, but I'm curious about what he wants. It's been four years since the assault and I was doing so much better at not thinking about it anymore, but that's kind of jarring. 

dsf95
dsf95
This just happened this morning
arfie
arfie
The harder I work to avoid somebody, the more of my life I give them control over.

When I have been in similar situations, I feed my curiosity for the sake of taking back control. The delete function will still be there later, if I *choose* for reasons that have nothing to do with the person I was avoiding.

Continued support while you find what works for you, DSF.
SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
DSF, you were certainly thrown for a loop here. Facebook friends don't necessarily have personal contact. If you choose to go there, you can always exit if your assaulter shows up and it triggers you. He has likely moved on and not be a threat. I would limit what I share on Facebook as a precaution. All choices are yours. Calming hugs.
dsf95
dsf95
Thanks for the replies
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Sometimes I think of an old friend or friendly acquaintance and friend them on FB.... Would this friend know anything about your experience??

If not I think it's just a friendly acquaintance on FB.... If it's a trigger you can always delete the person as a friend..... Big hug....xo
dsf95
dsf95
Thanks, SunCloudJD. I have never met this person, but it’s not unusual in the dance community to send friend requests to other dancers. It also makes me sad and reminds I’ve stopped dancing because the old dance studio closed down and many of those dancers joined the group I had joined to get away from those memories. It just doesn’t seem very fair.
soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
You can block the person that assaulted you if you want to connect with this other person. I think you should consider blocking he no matter what.
MisterMojoRisin
MisterMojoRisin
I can only speak for myself, but seeing reminders of my PTSD on social media would be very upsetting and bad for my mental well-being.

I'd unfriend the instructor, and maybe send a vague message to them that some people on their friend's list don't work for me, and I need to unfriend.
dsf95
dsf95
Hi, I just realized the friend request was probably just because I posted a Christmas party picture with one of my dance friends. She seems to be coordinating an event with their studio soon. No conspiracy here, most likely. Thanks for helping me feel better!
jewells1
jewells1
You can limit your photo's to friends only. Since you have not personally met this person, I wouldn't see it as a loss to do as Mojo says.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Glad you figured it out and there's nothing behind it, dsf95. I stay off social media because it could get to me, too. Glad you feel better.
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