I feel your pain, Muji. Sometimes getting a clean break comes at a price (for example having to explain to your friend). It is in your best interest that you stick to explaining to those being manipulated rather than explaining to those attempting contact. Relish in the knowledge that reciprocating contact is your choice and yours alone; as is telling them to bite it by not responding. Follow your heart and your knowledge and do what is best for you. No one else matters at this point.

Oh, Presh, you geti it so well, that was surely a quick and deeply validating response. I'm so glad I reached out for support because yours really hit the spot. Thank you!

Anytime Muji. I am looking at where I was just a couple of years ago and where I am now and the key to finding my inner peace and happiness has come from letting go of my family. Now the choice is ours and you have the right to feel however you feel, including not wanting anything to do with them.

You know you deserve better muji. Don’t let them taint your wonderful new life.

I totally agree, they made their bed, they can lay in it! They have no right to try to pull you into it... I totally support your decision to separate yourself from the negativity. I wish I was in the position to have done so.
Sending you support and prayers

I am very sorry you are going through this. When I moved to NM I blocked my parents. They are toxic too. My mother called my husband's workplace in Kansas City MO got his personal phone number from HR via manipulation and called him here while at work. I called her. She said I don't care- there are no consequences. You have never been a mother. That was the final straw. You have lost 50% of your renal function. I was once on dialysis. In complete renal failure. Normal bun creatinine now. Do whatever it takes to stop these people. You deserve peace. Let them self sabotage if necessary. They are already on that path.

Gentle hug Muji..... I am so sorry this happened to you... Even though you know their behaviour it still must be an awful shock when it happens..... xo

I've often wondered if it a traceable syndrome that the most dysfunctional nuts on the family tree are guaranteed to show up during any given critical transition. Lord knows I've seen it all too often in my own family tree as well as for uncounted other members of my peer support network.

Steadying support while you keep your eye on the prize, Muji. Disfruta la jubilacion.

Oh, y'all are really bringing me lots of peace after getting spooked. arfie is right here, I think, to say that the occasion being taken advantage of is a life transition. In this case it's my transition from career last month to retirement this month. Since that's already a big step and then for me it was made bigger by my decision to retire abroad to Mexico, I was too busy to remember to be prepared for one of my family's unwelcome intrusions. I guess, on the other hand, the fact that I was unprepared may be evidence of how much I've let them go, that I go forward in my life without being paranoid about them any more.

The "concern" expressed to my former colleagues to manipulate them into giving up contact info on me sounds like a move from my mother, not my father, and that scared me more. My dad would just hit you, which was bad enough. My mother would hit you just as much but not just that. When we kids weren't around, my parents would beat on each other. One time he put her in the hospital. I went to the ER to meet them. There, lying on a gurney, she let my dad come up next to her. Once he got close enough, from her position lying on the gurney she reached out and grabbed him by the groin, twisting so hard that she took him down right there in front of all of the ER docs, nurses, and other patients.

That's my dear old mom, she has no problem fighting dirty, delivering blows below the belt. Ever since I saw her do that, I've been more scared of her than my dad, even to this day. Like the character Glynn Close played in Fatal Attraction, my mom will boil your pet rabbit, no problem.

Thanks for understanding what it's like to have parents who are mentally ill and dangerous, y'all. Thanks for your support about them.

I did go to my face to face support group meeting here in Mexico and I did share about this there when called on. It was hard to tell a group of Mexican friends that I had a mom like the one I've got. It's hard anywhere for a guy to go up against his mother and tell the truth about her if she's way far from the norm. But it was especially hard here, because Mexican moms are so generally so great.

I remember the Mexican lady next door really took me in when my mentally ill parents took us suddenly to live in Guadalajara when I was 7. She could tell I'd been abandoned on the street by my incompetent parents, so she taught me to speak Spanish, ride a bike, swim, and she let me watch Batman on her tv since we didn't have a tv set. She wasn't even my mom nor did she speak English but she mothered me beyond words.

It was tough to get up in front of a room full of Mexican moms face to face and tell about my own blood related mom tonight, but I promised here I'd do it, so I did. Sigh.

Muji/mex, hugs to you my friend , wow , the only thing I can think of to say is , when we do good , up pops the devil !!! Right ? I am praying for you my friend , I pray for all my friends here on DS

Ha! Well said, Jobbie! I'm going to carry that in my going forward through today to keep from getting discouraged now. Thanks!

Muji, I’m sorry to hear that your family is still haunting you! It’s your choice to live the life you want and deserve. No explanation is needed for your former college friend. Just a thank you for relaying the message, You are right not to contact your family if they bring grief to you. You deserve happiness and well-being. Wishing you peace, happiness and harmony.

Thanks, Secouya, y'all are helping me not let this haunting attempt scare me out of having a good weekend after all. I couldn't do it without you, but you remind me I'm on the downhill side of recovery where I get to coast a little and enjoy myself. -)