funny you should post about this topic....
I have been more than a bit jealous of others lately and feeling I got a raw deal.
I don't know what to say to make you feel better my friend. I think this one of those times you have to sit with the pain and discomfort. acknowledge it and know on the surface the life if others often looks like roses but it seldom is.
it is ok to sit with pain and discomfort it is part of life. just don't hang there to long.

hugs

Thanks for letting me know there's no shame in feeling this way
about loss, reminding me of my resilience, and letting me know
it's grief and not jealousy I'm actually feeling--just being human. I'm glad I got it out, and those insights really helped.

Oh yes Mujica it’s definitely okay to feel your feelings. When I have times like that & feel bad I say in my head (well it’s just like you guys said like a grief for what you would have liked) but we not bad because I don’t begrudge someone else havin it, I kinda say oh that would be nice. I feel that way about a lot of things, missing out a childhood that most had, growing up in utter insanity & dangerous neighborhood. Especially my life now single at 34 cause the man I loved turned into someone I didn’t know & tried to kill me & stalk me for many years & my fear to even be touched at this point & not being a mother is hard for me cause well... ya tu sabes. Also my health bs & how I stopped working & lost my apartment & literally have no idea where my life is going with many many unsure days. I’m sure I woulda felt the same way to tell ya the truth & like I said you don’t sound like you begrudge others havin these things, your heart is in the rite place. It’s okay to feel your feelings & proud of you that you expressed them so you can see you not alone & get good feedback from people that care about you. (Also you helped a lot of people in your lifetime, and that is an accomplishment that’s priceless)

The one thing I find VERY successful about people like us is that all the times we fall, we get back up. We are gentle warriors. Plus we don’t know what our future holds. You may have some surprises in your future you have yet to discover. Maybe when you retire in Mexico your life can change in ways you never dream, maybe you will meet someone down there, maybe you will be sent a great friend or friends, maybe you’ll meet another little cat or even a puppy that you will fall in love with cause I know you used to have a cat that you loved. I hope that all makes sense cause I just woke up & im a little fuzzy headed.
Gentle hugs Mujica :)

I definitely feel this way too sometimes. Like others have said, it's natural and part of our grieving process. I hope eventually it'll be less consuming for me. Sometimes I'm just so sad and angry that I don't even want to hear from my loved ones because they're out traveling or doing something fun while I'm stuck in this hell. I try to watch a movie, one of my go tos that I know makes me feel better. Or listening to music and journaling all I'm thinking. That way it's out and it doesn't keep repeating in my head.

You're not alone, hugs!

Thanks for telling me:
1. You feel this way too, sometimes
2. It's natural, and
3. It's grief

I needed to see that in writing, literally. If spoken to me, I don't think I would have heard it. Seeing it written, I have to reckon with it.

My divorce, bankruptcy, and unemployment that crashed my PTSD recovery and led to my hospitalization happened years ago. I thought I was over it.

I'm relieved to know that's what it was.
I'm dismayed to know that that grief is still with me. All at the same time.

It's confusing. That's why it took your help for me to sort it out.

I totally know what your saying I to lost everything twice in my life but thankfully it's been twenty years this year I have been with my husband. We have gone from being dirty poor, bankruptcy and me in a wheelchair not being able to walk or provide or take care of myself. To my husband having a great job, we watch every penny because prices go up and meds cost a lot. It's times like those make us thankful for where we came and where we hope to go. Once you have been in the bottom all you can do is go up. Big hug to you, your an amazing person, life will get better. I think we live and learn off everything we got through. My dad always said god doesn't close a door that he won't open a window. Sometimes we have to wait for that window for a long time. But I guess that's why we all share our experiences. god bless you . Thank you for your help today. I was ready to leave Ds and you turned things around thank you. Casey.

Thanks, Doo. The fact that we're most familiar with bad things is the root of lots of stuff in our lives as abuse survivors, isn't it? Of this, too, yet again. I see what you're saying, and it makes sense to me.

Casey, I'm glad you didn't leave DS because what you shared about going bankrupt and coming back like me gave me strength for today. Just knowing I'm not alone is always a real booster to me.