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Maybe I can stop this from expanding if I write it out. Right now it wants to take over my mind, my emotions, make my hands shake, send me screaming into the other room.
I don't usually remember my childhood, for a good reason, er, reasons.
Things have been emotionally, mentally, and physically stressful, more so than usual, for a week or so. Enough so that my hubby, my safest person in the whole wide world (if not always thinking) has been triggering me.
Today the trigger came from left field and included a full sight, sound, touch flashback. That is not usual for me. Then again, neither is remembering my childhood.
Hubby was trying to warn our daughter, who has been doing a lot of traveling, of some nasty illegal actions that police are taking in the midwest to confiscate cash when they pull someone over in case on might be planning to do a crime with it. He was trying to make sure that our daughter was safe in case of being pulled over. It kept going, with discussions about how to or not get around it... and why the police can do it.
GRAPHIC
All that came to mind was a long time ago... I was five or six years old. My mother was telling my sisters and I about a news story. The story was about a school bus that was dropping off kids (in LA where we lived) and the last 'white' girl on the bus was being harassed by the 'black' girls on the bus. (Her words NOT mine). The girl was trampled to death as girls in high heels walked over her getting off the bus and the driver just kept dropping off kids until the dying girl was the last one on the bus, and then drove her back to the bus barn where she bed to death overnight.
SAFE
My mother wanted us to find ways to fix the situation, but anything we said was met with 'no'. The moral lesson was that there is nothing that can be done under any circumstances and just take what life dishes out to you.
I had to wait for a while until I could get back into the here and now to explain to hubby why I was upset. That it was not him and he could not have known that what he was talking about triggered me.
Hubby is not scrounging something for dinner. Daughter is stressing out about her interview she had today and another one for a different job tomorrow.
yadlim
I don't usually remember my childhood, for a good reason, er, reasons.
Things have been emotionally, mentally, and physically stressful, more so than usual, for a week or so. Enough so that my hubby, my safest person in the whole wide world (if not always thinking) has been triggering me.
Today the trigger came from left field and included a full sight, sound, touch flashback. That is not usual for me. Then again, neither is remembering my childhood.
Hubby was trying to warn our daughter, who has been doing a lot of traveling, of some nasty illegal actions that police are taking in the midwest to confiscate cash when they pull someone over in case on might be planning to do a crime with it. He was trying to make sure that our daughter was safe in case of being pulled over. It kept going, with discussions about how to or not get around it... and why the police can do it.
GRAPHIC
All that came to mind was a long time ago... I was five or six years old. My mother was telling my sisters and I about a news story. The story was about a school bus that was dropping off kids (in LA where we lived) and the last 'white' girl on the bus was being harassed by the 'black' girls on the bus. (Her words NOT mine). The girl was trampled to death as girls in high heels walked over her getting off the bus and the driver just kept dropping off kids until the dying girl was the last one on the bus, and then drove her back to the bus barn where she bed to death overnight.
SAFE
My mother wanted us to find ways to fix the situation, but anything we said was met with 'no'. The moral lesson was that there is nothing that can be done under any circumstances and just take what life dishes out to you.
I had to wait for a while until I could get back into the here and now to explain to hubby why I was upset. That it was not him and he could not have known that what he was talking about triggered me.
Hubby is not scrounging something for dinner. Daughter is stressing out about her interview she had today and another one for a different job tomorrow.
yadlim
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Give yourself a pat on the back. Sometimes it is very hard to see the accomplishments we make because we tend to be very hard on ourselves. Yay, you!
thanks all
Getnle support, and glad you're feeling a bit more settled now.
As much as I love the idea of a never-ending stream of perfect, Justy days, I seem to get further by leaving that ideal in my flying saucer and dealing with life on life's own terms. Triggers happen. WHEN they do, I open up my tool box and get to work on my own symptoms. The quicker I get to fixing, the less collateral damage I have to deal with. Onward through the fog.
Proud of you, yadim. Ya done good.