Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I'm a bit nervous to put this out there. I hope someone can relate. Since I had my 'mental breakdown', more of an extreme stress breakdown, I've hardly worked. that was 24 years ago, when it started.
I can't cope with much stress, and I get tired easily. I need at least 10 hours sleep a night, and 'down time' at home when I'm not out in the world.
The professionals don't know why I'm like this. Part would be the meds. I think I'm like this because I went through so much severe stress, including up to the late 90's because of what was in my ,mind.
I just feel so tired. Today, I got up at 1pm, and now it's 11pm and I'm ready for bed again.
I feel ashamed of my job history, because it's 4 months here, 2 months there. All part time. the last job I had was in a nursing home. The woman showing me the job was bullying me. Of COURSE I'd love to say 'f...you' and not be affected, but I went into strong fear. I got sick with fear, and quit. I'd told the boss about it, but that made the woman worse, so I quit.
I felt a great deal of shame about the whole thing, about my fear.
There's not a lot I can do. I can keep my flat and self clean, look after my cats, keep most appointments, go to AA, go to study 2 evenings a week. Visit a friend with a child. And that's about it. I look for part time work, but I'm afraid I won't last at it yet again.
It's as if I have chronic fatigue syndrome, but it seems there's a physical component to that which I don't have.
The amount of psych drugs I'm on is moderate. Once, many years ago, when on very little psych drugs, I slept for 17 hours straight. (clean and sober.) And when I woke up, my mind was just utter anguish and very suicidal.
Can anyone relate?
I can't cope with much stress, and I get tired easily. I need at least 10 hours sleep a night, and 'down time' at home when I'm not out in the world.
The professionals don't know why I'm like this. Part would be the meds. I think I'm like this because I went through so much severe stress, including up to the late 90's because of what was in my ,mind.
I just feel so tired. Today, I got up at 1pm, and now it's 11pm and I'm ready for bed again.
I feel ashamed of my job history, because it's 4 months here, 2 months there. All part time. the last job I had was in a nursing home. The woman showing me the job was bullying me. Of COURSE I'd love to say 'f...you' and not be affected, but I went into strong fear. I got sick with fear, and quit. I'd told the boss about it, but that made the woman worse, so I quit.
I felt a great deal of shame about the whole thing, about my fear.
There's not a lot I can do. I can keep my flat and self clean, look after my cats, keep most appointments, go to AA, go to study 2 evenings a week. Visit a friend with a child. And that's about it. I look for part time work, but I'm afraid I won't last at it yet again.
It's as if I have chronic fatigue syndrome, but it seems there's a physical component to that which I don't have.
The amount of psych drugs I'm on is moderate. Once, many years ago, when on very little psych drugs, I slept for 17 hours straight. (clean and sober.) And when I woke up, my mind was just utter anguish and very suicidal.
Can anyone relate?
When I volunteer, I find it helps me stay in the here and now and get my mind off my troubles. As they say, "An idyl mind is the devil's playground." If I don't deliberately put something on my mind, the devil will do it for me.
PTSD in the Workplace:
http://healmyptsd.com/2009/05/ptsd-symptoms-in-the-workplace.html
I had a very good career as a nurse for many years until the traumatic event in 1999. Since then, it has been really hard to hold a job for very long. I struggled until two years ago, and then everything went to hell in a handbasket. When something happened that upset me, I would start to shake uncontrollably. I didn't realize it until someone pointed it out to me. If someone acted in a way I thought was wrong, I'd just flip out.
I am fortunate that I can look back and be proud of the nurse I was. I tried getting a job in a nursing home before Christmas, but they were so understaffed, I really felt unsafe. I could see no way to give the residents the care they deserved while having to give out hundreds of medications to people I didn't know, pick them off the floor, keep them out of trouble, deal with emergencies, talk to families and try to answer their questions, and so on. I just knew I would do something wrong, give the wrong medication to someone. I just could not do it, and that seems to be the state of affairs in most healthcare facilities, understaffed.
When I get ashamed of myself for not being able to work, I have to tell myself I put in my time in the workforce. I don't know. It seems as though the younger people don't seem as committed to their jobs or something because they seem to be able to take their coffee breaks despite what is going on. They clock out on time while us old foagies stay until the work is done.
I know what it is like that all I can seem to manage is to look after myself. Those days are here.
Maybe sometime soon I will volunteer because that is a job with satisfaction and little pressure.
Best of all to everyone, and keep sharing. Thanks.
Gee, I don't take anything you said as "whining." Not at all. On top of the PTSD, I also had at least a couple of bouts of shingles. My immune system is so out of whack.
Yes, like you, I try to get some good exercise when I can manage it. But there's always what you mentioned as the fear that something else will go wrong. Have had over 18 years of "one more thing going wrong" and boy, one gets tired of that.
Take it one hour at a time...actually, today, I am shooting for 10 minutes at a time.
A better day has got to be around the corner...now if I could just find us the right corner.
Hugs.
I get more from this site than from anywhere. I go to AA, but it's not the same as here. Hug to you all, Nellie
I wish I didn't have PTSD and depression, but I do. I wish I could just rush out and get a nursing job right now and be happy, but I can't. I wish I was in my 30's again, but I am not. Most of the time, all we can do is accept what is and deal with it the best we can.
I am encouraged by your story and those of others. We are here for each other.