Yes, been there. Many here have, too. Too many, but there you have it. You're not alone.

Please know that thoughts of pill bottles or other similarly purposed things are something that occasionally at least has gone through all of our heads. But it is considered 'suicidal ideation' and is a symptom of overwhelmed thinking.

It is a symptom that should let us know we need additional professional help to pull out of the spiral we are in.

When our PTSD starts messing with our ability to stay employed then we need to consider our pragmatic options, such as would a trauma specialist consider us a candidate for temporary disability until we can get it back together a bit?

Are you currently taking any meds to help you? Are you getting counseling from a trauma specialist? PTSD can be knocked down to a less life stealing level if we go through the process of moving towards better days with all the determination we have.

Hang in there, and please consider getting additional help. I certainly needed lots of intervention.

I understand where you are coming from. Mujica said it himself, you r not alone and many of us are either going through this or have many times before. I agree very much with letitbe's p-o-v on the idea of suicidal ideation. I also agree that having a trauma specialist/counselor is a great way to help ease the discomfort of our traumas and symptoms.

I, myself am going through a terrible and distasteful time in my life. I am constantly dissociating, memories are scrambled, and my emotions range from high to low. All differences aside, PTSD is a real part of our lives and no matter how it came to be about, it is not the end of us nor does it make us weak or fragile. I am learning along the way.

Maybe disability could be an option. I've thought about it myself. Hope i helped.

Thanks for your comments.

I have not seen my therapist for about 9 months now. Unfortunately - it take money and I have none right now.

today is better. I acutally think I could work. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

I am starting to think I am bipolar too.

I tried meds three different antidepressants. the side effects sucked so bad I can not take them.

An occassional xanex when I am in a panic attack I will take. But only half a pill and like maybe 2 or 3 a month. I am afraid of becoming addicted to them.

I have enough addictions already. dont need another one.

I have looked into disability, but it is almost never approved and can take 30 months. Entirely too long. So I will have to figure out how to work and not blow up on people.

Thanks ---