Do you see a therapist? PTSD is generally treated through therapy and medication. Recognizing why you self harm is a good first step.

I See a therapist. I won't take meds

*why did it have to take 60+ years to take a first step?*

Is there a "Normal" for self-harm? Seems to me that every case is unique, butttttaaaa. . . Expert, I ain't. I *just* sort my own and trust others to sort theirs.

May your base-line run straight and true. Continued support whichever way ^it^ runs for you.

When I say normal - I realize that I could be wrong - I mean it seem nearly classic to me that self harm is cutting an the arms or thighs or perhaps somewhere on the torso and the intent is not suicide. I don't cot that way. The intent is to dysfunctional see myself and I'm seeing that it is becoming more extensive. I'm afraid of how far reaching it is becoming.

arf's point that every case in unique resonates with me. And yet by the same token here we are for support in whatever we do have in common with each other, or we turn for support to our therapist for whatever common language can help us there.

It's a paradox, isn't it? The same as the paradox in that arises as to whether the harm of meds could be any greater than the harm of self harm. If its intent is suicidal, then what is there left to lose?

There are many paradoxes on the road to recovery, stemming from what arf points out about how unique each case is. Yet as she says, continued support whichever way "it" the road to recovery turns for you.

I appear to be committing suicide but I have a burning desire to live

ET you use a lot of words to be avoident and there is only a few cases of slow suicide, one of which I have witness more than once. All three cases were in severely depressed people that were diagnosed with treatable cancers, but they chose no treatment. It was beyond painful to watch these people slowly lose their life by choice. Then my husband was diagnosed with one of the incurable aggressive kind, and none of the options the others had would have made a difference.
There are meds that don't clog your brain...or I wouldn't be doing the classes I am. They do have a 2-3 week adjustment time, but I have been on my mix since 1995. If I go without even 2 days...I go back to little or no sleep. Which that alone will throw your system into a spin, mentally and physically.So read more and consider what you want out of treatment.
There has to be a goal even a small one for you to step in that direction....And you have to want it. You are older than me, but not that much. I have seen people live with CPTSD for very defined reasons when they want to fight for life. So take Self Harm off the table and use that time and energy to solve or at least reconcile your reasons for having it.
Because I have also seen people talk them selves into ending it...as I did. How I survived is still a mystery, since I should have been pulled under the current.
Today, is today.

Big, big hugs. Hugs bigger than your pain. Hugs bigger yet than that.

Et you give some great insights here, worth consideration for other. Now re-read your supportive comments and look at what you can use.

Hugs J.

Thank you for sharing and I'm so sorry you are going through this. You said you are taking therapy but from you shared it doesn't seem to be helping. Have you considered switching therapist. I have found that Christian therapist have a way of not just focusing on the actions but the root cause of it. They are more therapeutic in there approach which can be better than meds. I would also check out this site. http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/ I hope things work out for you.

thanks Just..., i am going to take a look at the self mutilator site. my big problme is that i can't help thinking that my situation is absolutely hopeless. i really believe that. when it gets to the point that people suggest having an exorcism, it must be pretty hopeless. i believe i've used up my therapist. she is trying so hard to get me hooked up with an intensive treatment plan. she probably wishes she could hate me. i love her so people here are suggesting i find a new therapist -you too!. i will never go to another therapist. if i don't get into teh intensive treatment program i believe it will trigger a bad reaction in me. i am willing to try the self mutilator site but if it is group therapy, i will probably have a problem with it. i have a pretty bad attitude, don't i? i am forced into that by what i call my hijacker. Are Christian therapists religious? is religion evident? that i think woudl be difficult for me. i have my own religion. i wonder if there would be a conflict. anyway, i consider every answer i get and people still think i'm just saying "no". it isnt' me, it is my hijacker. i have a force in me that is so brutal. i'm being so badly beaten lately and i am having very bad feelings as a result. i'm losing my desire to self help.

Glad you say that you've got a burning desire to live, ex. You can. Did you say somewhere you were waiting to enter an intensive therapy program?

i think i've been saying a little of lots of things everywhere, but yes, i am waiting. seems like all i do is wait. i think there's a fine line in what i say to them that will determine if i get acctpted or rejected. if i get rejected, there is no place left to turn. and i have ot wait for this and have all this time to speculate, and catastrphiize, and disallow all the good posibilities. and that is happening. it is so hard to step back and away from the negative.

Hi Justyaaveraggurl the self mutilators site does not seem to be working. have you been in touch with them. i would like to contact them to ask lots of questions. please let me know if you have any ideas.