Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I think my boss's treatment of me has gotten to me this semester. I had a day of low grade PTSD anxiety, like a low grade fever.
I used to feel that as a kid growing up in a war zone on the mission field when there had been combat in town for too long. The war was all urban in my city and went onfor six years, so life had to go on somehow. Sometimes I had had to go downtown where low grade gun battles went on intermittently to go to the orthodontist to have my braces on my teeth adjusted.
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My parents are mentally ill, plus they didn't speak Spanish well enough. So they weren't the kind to know that they shouldn't have sent their kid downtown alone on the bus in conditions like that.
My mother would scold me for being afraid saying she had dentures, I should be grateful she wanted to save my teeth at all, much less straighten them, so get going. I guess the issue wasn't whether I died in the crossfire or not, it was whether my corpse would have straight teeth. Parents always do want for their kids to do better in life than them, right?
It would twist me in knots all the way there and all the way back. I did get caught in the middle of gunfire more than once. And three bombings. All before I was twelve.
I felt that PTSD low grade feverishness today. It leaves me crabby and fatigued, definitely not right with the world. Or myself.
I had made plans for diversions with one friend to go see car racing and with another to go see a movie. But they both got sick and canceled. So it turned out to be just me and my low grade PTSD tonight.
Hoping sleep awakens me refreshed for tomorrow.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Treat yourself so gentle & stay hydrated & rest, everything that you would do for a fever.
I hope you have a restful sleep & wake up & feel a little better
(((((((Healing hugs))))))))))))
I feel the same at times & I just keep my routine of self acceptance and ride it out.
I hope your sleep is good and that this rough time passes
I find the source analysis quite believable, as well. The struggle of the semester has carried a few battle over-tones to it. Seems logical to my just-a-patient senses that it would trigger the battle readiness that was forced on you as a child surviving two wars: One civil war and one domestic.
Continued support while you ride out your low grade fever. May your containment procedures prevent the escalation to high grade.
I am sorry you are having a rough time at work. We spend so much time at work and if it is not a happy place to be can be a huge mental stressor which brings on all sorts of problems. It is so important to have outlets to defuse this stress and make yourself feel better.
What do you find helps you? Do you have a plan in place? Do you have it on paper? When we are feeling down and having a problem it is often hard to see beyond the weeds in front of us. It helps to have a plan on paper of things that help us to feel better and help us release that stress and anxiety. I find it helps with me anyway. In addition I leave my camera equipment out so it is a constant reminder of my stress and anxiety reducing hobby. I guess my camera is kind of like a security blanket. I feel better with it in my hands.
I also find it helpful to put myself in the shoes of the other person causing my stress and anxiety. I find that until you go through something that causes a mental health crisis, you have no idea of how it can happen, how it effects you and how much it disrupts your life. People like this you cannot reach, they are ignorant, naïve and uneducated about mental health. The best you can do is realize this and it helps to explain why they are treating you so badly, they just do not understand and will not until it happens to them. This was the case with my husband, he always kept telling me to suck it up and move on. He blamed me for being difficult. It has been years of hell as he did not understand, but then, he started a new job and had an anxiety attack, which caused a melt down leading to 4 weeks off work. He was not functioning or doing well, self-medicating etc. He came to me and told me he was so sorry. He had no idea how much this stuff could effect someone. We are now on the same page. It is funny because now the shoe is on the other foot and I have to watch myself. I have to watch that I do not say things like suck it up, you are no where as bad as I was, so get over it or oh my god, you are fine, you never landed in the hospital. I have to watch comparing my experience to his. His is the worst thing that ever happened to him. It is different than mine.
Muji, I hope you find some peace with your work life and boss. If not I hope you find the strength to find releases for the stress and anxiety
So I had a really good day speaking at that church. After church members of the congregation were very nice about it. Then they took me out for lunch at a Chinese restaurant. Since I spoke about PTSD there, some of the congregation members talked to me about their PTSD issues over lunch, too. I drove home, then, feeling like it had been worth it.
I speak at another church this coming Sunday. Then the Tuesday following I have that meeting my boss required of me with a dean. It's being held on my terms now: just before an appointment I set up with my psychiatrist, which she and the dean know. She promised it would only take 15 minutes and then off to the doctor I go. She knows that's so everything said in that meeting will go on my psychiatrist's records. I'll have my union rep in with me during that meeting, too.
So although I am bothered by her wanting a meeting at all, after today's church experience was positive I'm looking forward to next Sunday's being positive. Then that meeting on Tuesday has been contained as much as possible so as to protect me as much as possible. I have tenure in the first place so I can't be fired. Having a union rep in the meeting and having it be known I'm off straight to my p-doc after it means my boss probably will keep her promise to keep it to 15 minutes and be careful what she says.
My low grade fever has broken for now, then, that low level hum of anxiety. It made a difference that I got it out here, that I took care of myself at my church speaking engagement, and that people at church shared PTSD strength with me at lunch. Thank you.