I believe that I want to, I would want to and most importantly, that my abuser was undoubtedly abused as well and that is why he became an abuser. Any abuser inspires revenge, but revenge does not stop the abuse cycle. Something quite the opposite needs to be done but with a society still with it's head firmly stuck up it's ass about this change is slow to come, almost as if society loves where it has placed it's head.

If I had one I would want them to suffer a long grueling painful agonizing life in which they wished for death but never got it. Killing them is just too easy. I suffered so they must suffer

"The line must be drawn here! This far no further! And I will make them pay for what theyve done"

No. If I did I would have succumbed to their level, and I never want to be on their level.

I wouldn't. But I like to do it in imagination, knowing I would not do it in real life. In imagination it's very satisfying.

When as I see someone as vulnerable I feel revulsion at the thought of harming them.

But is my dad vulnurable?

Well he would be if you were killing him.

Im not though lol. So its ok.

That's right!

I'd have to think of the rest of my life and no i wouldn't be able to live with murder. But not to say i wouldnt want to but with help you can find peace. it wont ever go away and you will never forget but it can be easier to live with what the derelict did.

My abuser is dead, my father. There was a time when I was first remembering everything that the thought crossed my mind. But I, like you, am not a killer. By the time he died I had no feelings for him whatsoever. Nothing. No hate, no discomfort at his face or the thought of him. I didn't talk to him and I didn't attend his funeral. He was nothing by then. I hope you get to that point. Hug.