Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I've been in such bad pain this week, but also for many years. After enduring a lifetime of severe abuse & violence I feel broken. I've tried so so hard for so long. I've always been tough & toughed through everything no matter how insanely crazy, but these last couple years everything's been getting worse.
I have many many chronic pain issues due to the injuries I've sustained over this lifetime. I have permanent nerve damage in my head & severe migraines from having my head smashed into a curb years ago. I also have an injured cervical spine that gives me so many pain issues in my neck the pops in & out of place as well as my jaw & from enduring violence so bad that I still haven't told anyone the extent of because it's too violent & triggering. Also many other injuries that I can't get into rite now cause thinking about it all at once makes me flip out. I've tried so hard to get help from doctors for my injuries, still in the same spot, went to physical therapists that couldn't get my neck back into place & then my insurance wouldn't cover it anymore. I'm trying so hard, I'm still continuing on going to doctors to get some sort of help. So far though nothing & most doctors look really overwhelmed about my injuries. Some stuff I understand I will have for ever, but I need something to get better. Just one ounce of relief. Every night I grind my teeth so bad that I'm about to fully bite through my mouth guard, I constantly wake up w/ panic attacks & wake up in so much pain all over my body. I'm so very tired.
I feel like it's so hard to get through my ptsd when I'm constantly being reminded of it by my body. When my head hurts I get flashbacks of having my head smashed in a curb. When I'm constantly having pain cricks & cracklings in my neck & jaw it constantly flashes me of the violence of that abuse that I just can't fully speak on. (The amount of sexual abuse I also can't fully talk about but I know haunts me. When my wrists & hands hurt so bad from having them broken so many times in the past trying to escape for my life I feel broken like did I truly escape it if I'm in this amount of pain from it physically & mentally every day.
Im just so tired. My new therapist doesn't think I'm ready for trauma work because she said she thinks I'm way to fragile for it rite now so she's trying to help me learn breathing exercises.
I'm still pursuing doctors that I pray one day can get some any sort of relief from. I haven't given up but why? Am I just stupid. Am I too broken???? How can you be this broken at age 33.
Thank you & im really sorry to anyone that might have read this. I'm sorry if it's sad or triggering or of course cause it's me im usually all over the place.
Im so tired. I don't want to be broken anymore. I don't know I'll stop writing cause I'm crying too much & the words look all blurry. Sorry ......
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
it is so good that you pressed on to post about this, thank you for trusting us
i can relate too to a lot of what you shared here, i'm so sorry for how you are feeling about things. i know how it can all really wear on you; it is important to talk about it sometimes when you can let yourself. doing that was a strong, if difficult, decision. more hugs.
i'm glad you reached out to us...that took a lot of strength,and we are here for you.
gentle gentle hugs.
The good news is, at our age we have a long life ahead of us which means there's a better chance at finding healing, getting some of our strength back and picking up the pieces of our lives... slowly. I imagine if you're "broken" at 60, 70 or later... it's just a down hill thing from there. So being younger we have 2 things on our side. We have more time to figure things out, find medical breakthroughs, etc... also our minds and bodies are still youthful (we heal faster, our bones are not brittle, we don't have dementia, etc).
But I do understand what you mean... friends my age all have bundles of kids at their side and great careers to talk about. Other than pain and a struggling marriage, I have none of that and it's so awkward talking to them. I totally don't fit in... and do better talking to Vietnam vets. lol.
Sending you boat loads of support and hugs. Hang in there and don't stop searching for help / treatment / answers.
Alas, I don't get a choice on listening to my broken parts. The aches only get meaner for the denial. Even pharmaceuticals and medical science are still limited in the relief they can offer in my case. Acceptance, daily inventory, maintenance and therapy exercises are the best relief I have found. It still sucks, but I try to keep my eye on the prize. There is still a whole lot of living I can do in spite of my many broken pieces.
More boat loads of support and validation while you find your own way through. Apology NOT accepted for crying about it. Thank you for letting us care.
((Grateful gentle hugs))