Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi, all. Hope you're safe from the storm. I'm on the east coast, work's canceled, so while riding it out I'm indulging in some reflection. I've talked about this in therapy, but not in an open support group of peers like I have here.
PTSD survivors naturally have trust issues. And when people fail us, as people will do just by virtue of being fallible human beings, we are very sensitive to it. Our lives depended on who we could trust in moments of life and death trauma, after all.
The thing is, as I've lived decades beyond the years of trauma I survived, I still wonder. When someone lets me down in a relationship, friendship, or as family, is it them or is it me? Are these all self-fulfilling prophecies I orchestrate, albeit subconsciously, or do people fail one another on their own at the rate I've experienced?
Of course, in the end you might say that it's just like the question of the chicken or the egg, it's not information that is all that useful. You just have to deal with what comes, the best you can. True. But what has your experience with trust been like? Has your trust been rewarded?
PTSD survivors naturally have trust issues. And when people fail us, as people will do just by virtue of being fallible human beings, we are very sensitive to it. Our lives depended on who we could trust in moments of life and death trauma, after all.
The thing is, as I've lived decades beyond the years of trauma I survived, I still wonder. When someone lets me down in a relationship, friendship, or as family, is it them or is it me? Are these all self-fulfilling prophecies I orchestrate, albeit subconsciously, or do people fail one another on their own at the rate I've experienced?
Of course, in the end you might say that it's just like the question of the chicken or the egg, it's not information that is all that useful. You just have to deal with what comes, the best you can. True. But what has your experience with trust been like? Has your trust been rewarded?
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
When it comes to trust, details are everything in Arfie's Chicken Coop.
For instance, how is that we even have to have conversations about what is a "legitimate rape" and what isn't? I mean, I try to imagine explaining that concept to a child and I'm left saying "OMG! How did we as a society get to this place?" in my mind.
I kind of like what Shakespeare said, "Love all, trust a few, do harm to none."
I trust no one completely, and yet I trust everyone to some small degree. The degrees vary based on a case by case basis. Everyone starts out with a blank sheet, and then I list the pro's and the con's as the relationship moves along. Each entry in this mental ledger moves the "value" of the person up or down, and the relationship becomes closer or further away. Bosses tend to get short-changed, while my DS friends tend to get more of the benefit of the doubt. And so it goes.
Perhaps I'm not the best person to ask, I just thought I'd offer my 2 cents in case any one else wants to try it. It took a lot of years to get to this point, and it wasn't an easy road, but now I think I'm in a place where I can deal with "most" sane people. Some folks like jihadists, and politicians, still trigger a setback, but hey, I'm a work in progress. ;-)
My sense of trust was shattered, when I met my pyshologist. The LAST thing I wanted was...more therapy! but i really needed it. I could see this fella was trustworthy from the start, but I had great diffculty TRUSTING him for years and years. And I never fully trusted him in some ways - it still seemed possible after many years, that he might make a pass at me.
He did let me down a few times, in a way, but 99% of the time he was compassionate, consistent. 100% of the time, he had my best interests at heart.
This relationship has done a lot to restore my sense of humanity. I don't trust easily, but I can do it.
My view is it's not either-or, but to some degree shared responsibility when as adults social interaction things go south. Each person has there own perspective, own needs and motives.
I like Arfie's case by case view, but split hairs even further because I think we (humanity in general) are all imperfect, bumbling along and unable to perceive all the underlying stuff.
I have shattered relationships in my past and present, and can see we both bore/bare responsibility for the outcomes.
Cut yourself some slack about this. Just try and be a decent person and have constructive interactions w/ others. We are all works in progress.
Hugs to you.
If only that would fit on a bumper sticker! That's one of the nicest things anyone's said to me in a long time, and a lot of people are very nice on this site. Thanks, and blessing to you!