I am on the other side of this. Despite 20 years with my spouse she continues to worry I will cheat on her. Every ex she ever had treated her bad and cheated on her. She will have dreams and wake up screaming at me, sure I am on the way out the door. With my eyes mostly closed as I'm half asleep I simply remind her I am here. This has actually gotten worse as her multiple sclerosis has affected her brain and she is even more vulnerable. I try to remind her watch the actions of people, not just the words. What do my actions tell her?

I offer you the same advice. What are his actions. Even if he doesn't understand PTSD, how does he ACT? Does he treat you with respect or does he demean and disrespect you? Does he come home to you after work every day or does he disappear for hours at a time? Watch what his actions tell you.

I agree with Jen that this is your issue of trust and if his actions only prove his love and kind nature, than it truly is an illusion. I try to be patient with my spouse because I know she has been hurt so bad, but no way to prove it to her. Nothing I say can help because those fears are so deep inside of her (just as you describe for yourself). . So after 20 years I just show her everyday that I'm there every day and the next and the next and the next.

Good luck to you Morning

To love is to risk, isn't it? I was married to my wife for 16 years, and then she took up with a coworker of mine and that ended my marriage. The way I found out she had another relationship was that I came home from work early to surprise her to take her out to dinner, and I got the surprise.

After the bitterness of the betrayal and loss, the only thing I would have done differently was to have asked my wife to sit in on my weekly PTSD therapy sessions more often. I grew in those 16 years in ways she didn't understand. It wouldn't have guaranteed her fidelity, but it would have given her more of a stake in my personal growth and probably vice versa.

I came to my marriage with my massive trust issues coming from PTSD coming from a family in which betrayal of love is a way of live. I'm proud to say I didn't waste a day of my marriage sacrificing my time and love to jealousy. That was one thing I worked on weekly in my PTSD therapy, after all. If I was going to be married with PTSD, I was going to enjoy it as much as I could rather than white knuckle my way through it. You could say that's how I set myself up for being fooled, but I don't think so.

I think I set myself up to be happy whatever happened, even though the worst did happen. That fact helped me recover from the end of it, too. It also means I'm happy now being a bachelor long term, and not feeling like I have to have another marriage to prove anything to myself or anyone else. It was what it was, and I enjoyed it for 16 years. Not everyone can say that much.

I hope you find your own way of confronting your fears, because they're based on past reality, and enjoying your present reality. At Christmas time I have to tell you it sounds so cool that your partner works at Toys R Us!

I'm sorry to hear about your trust issues. Like 51Percent pointed out, even most therapists do not fully understand PTSD. There's a reason why I got so many faulty diagnoses. :P You need to really look at your priorities. Do you really want this relationship...or do you need it? There's a big difference. If you want to be with him, you need to work on yourself. Most people wouldn't tolerate that kind of paranoia. Like Omii pointed out, you also need to look at his actions.