Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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i was hit on the butt cheek with a cricket bat by a drunk acquaintance. We were at a bar. I guess I had been flirting with him a little. The cricket bat was kind of a gag of the British themed night out. This was probably in the fall. Very startling to me. I felt embarrassed that it almost made me feel raped again, because I was kicked in the vagina from behind in '15.
So, a pin up group I'm in had social media drama about a woman being slapped on the butt. Which has been treated as a sexual assault because it was accompanied by innuendo. She's even practically ended a years long friendship over it. There was a lot of flak, that she was making our group sound insensitive, but she commented, "wait, how am I hurting the group?" The band the guy belonged to had already been kicked off the roster. But, of course when she posts about her experiences it does make the group less look bad. Victims deserve to have a voice, but how long should someone be punished? A slap on the butt isn't rape, but what is it? Assault.
It gets murky when something happens that really bothers someone, but didn't seem "that bad" to the other person. I still feel very traumatized by feeling accused by my ex-dance instructor. He was never touched, except in dance frame, yet he enjoyed all the attention of victim-hood (and he did seem to get lots of support and sympathy)and carried out the maximum punishment. I don't know if even a monster like Mike Tyson was publicly kicked in the butt and groin. What kind of person would do that, because of too much eye contact and hyperventilating during dancing, months earlier? I looked at his Facebook page for the first time in months, after being triggered, I was nauseated by his Sound of Music post and his innocent, squeaky-clean persona. I cried and started screaming "I hate you!" But I let it out.
I want to feel any sympathy with him. But, he smiled at me and mockingly opened the door for me before he hurt me. This was a planned assault, choreographed like one of his dance routines. His action might seem courageous to his adoring fans, but he knew he was stronger than me, had martial arts training (he's posted pictures of himself in his black belt on Facebook), and knew his friends would restrain me if needed. I was all alone and outnumbered. I have never felt more unloved in my life than when the owner ran after him after I was walking away from being attacked after being incapacitated for a few horrific moments. No one told me my body did that. I know I need to move on.
Im trying so hard to feel better, but sometimes I feel like my life is over.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
And when I catch myself obsessing on it, I frequently wonder why I should even care how the perpetrator rates the event or what is/was going on in their minds. What is the value of understanding insanity? Sometimes it slows my obsessing, but. . . Sigh. . .
Just sharing my own. . .
Continued support while you sort your own, ds.
As for the dance instructor, I am *proud* of you for crying and yelling you hated him! About time! So he was a victim at some point. So what? So was I. I don't kick men in the nadgers b/c they triggered me. I may daydream of it in my worst moments, but I don't *do* it. But oh, I do like a good cry and shout, so good for you!
I want to point out that without knowing the group you're discussing, I can't speak to it, bu tI will say that if you decide bragging about grabbing women by their genitals is "locker room talk", and not admission of a sexual assault (ranging from misdemeanor to felony depending on jurisdiction).... You've excused the assault, too. We don't treat "Yep, shot him dead in the back when he slept" as "locker room talk" or "just a guy being a guy" (or "a girl being a girl", for that matter).
And if someone slaps my butt? THey better realize that I can and will take that as a signal of violence against me, and I will put an elbow into them, and that's not negotiable. That's self-defense. Slap my butt, and you're telling me "You're just a bad little brat to me and I am making your intimate parts hurt to prove I am a big tough dominator". You're being spanked like a disobedient small child." It's demeaning emotionally, to say nothing of pretty darn painful. Sooo.... if someone's upset? And seeking solidarity? Validation that it's okay for her to be upset? Is she punishing the wrong-doer or is she trying to point out that she'd like an apology?
Like I said, I don't know the situation, DSF, but I do know that anyone slapping my butt had better hope my hubby catches them and I don't. I can flip out pretty bad if I perceive a physical attack. It's why I don't carry weapons.
Anyway, don't know if that helped, but it's an interesting "chew", as Arfie would wisely say....
The victim I was talking about is done with the person who hurt her. And I know a little bit how she feels.
She's mad at my friend and hairstylist for being insensitive about the incident and it's hard not to also feel bad for my hairstylist, who's losing her best friend over this and comes off as "the bad guy" for misreading the first text about it as a joke. . So, you're right, what happened was not okay. And the cricket bat was not okay either.
Thank you for being supportive here so I don't add to the social media conflict!
I hope I have not been insensitive to other victims in my posts. Thank you for support and understanding
I've learned over the years to leave them in my dust...