Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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So here it is the holiday season. I keep having flashbacks of my mom in her red armchair Christmas morning watching us open presents drinking orange juice. The last gift she gave me was a gameboy color so lol yes it was 2001 I was 15 when she passed. I don't know why it is affecting me so much now. I lost my heart necklace she gave me a few days before she passed. I lost it at a hotel in Odessa I cried all the way back to New Mexico. I wore that necklace everyday since her funeral it made me feel like she was still with me it helped keep me grounded. My dad after she passed through himself into work which was military he wasnt arounda lot. and sold everything was terrible for me. I only have a few things of hers. I lived with my aunt and visited my sisters and dad on the weekends. Now everyone around me is moving again military life you know. My dad after mom passed became an alcoholic 30 almost a night listening to the country song I miss my friend over and over. It became really bad. He threw stuff at me breaking my moms last gift. I try to have a relationship with him now but we talk of mom and somehow I upset him and cause him pain. He was at work when she was sick I took care of her. Music is helping tonight. Lol my husband wouldn't go to Christmas service with me so I'm blasting the music I grew up with. I know mom isn't coming back. I talk of her a lot. I wish I didn't make my husband annoyed with my PTSD behavior or upset my family. Its just this time of year we played games had a good time. Made cookies. Those days are memories that I wish didn't turn bad or into nightmares. I pushing my husband away he doesn't understand I just wish he did. Its a lot I know. I hate this time of year. I've asked my family for hugs. I was in the hospital two weeks ago for a week it scared them they think I have lupus like my mom. I just refuse to be tested. I want to go to school become a teacher and work on my taekwondo. All of this is hard to take in.I go back to the Dr next month. I'm scared. I just wish to sleep tonight.
Hugs everyone sorry this is long it just felt like it needed to come out. My therapist quit before the holidays I'm lost.
Megan
Hugs everyone sorry this is long it just felt like it needed to come out. My therapist quit before the holidays I'm lost.
Megan
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
Hugs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RI196k8A8lw
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/rem/aftermath.html
"It's easy to dismiss the "what's it all about" crowd.
There is no doubt. it's this, here, now.
And you close your eyes.
He's not coming back.
So you work it out, overfeed the cat.
And the plants are dry and they need to drink.
So you do your best. and you flood the sink.
Sit down in the kitchen and cry."
They don't come back. The important thing is we're still alive. We have the chance to find love and happiness.
I understand how wrenching it is the military life of trying to make friends and then moving or watching them move away... I'm an ex-army brat myself and I married an air force guy... It is a life full of upheaval... and uncertainty...
BIG HUGS!! The memories of your mother are very precious and losing that necklace is sad...
I did become a teacher!! It is a cool way to pay "forward" kindness and love...
My mother-in-law was an amazing kind woman who took me under her wing when I least expected any kind of acceptance from ANYONE... She died very suddenly from an aneurysm just a couple of years later... I miss her laugh, her twinkly eyes, her gentleness... every now and then I inexplicably get an overwhelming desire to BAKE... omg, I am a re-heater, I can't cook to save my life!!
I tend to think at those times she is popping in to check up on me and have a little friendly "dig" at my ineptitude in the kitchen... Hubby & I set up a memorial for her and I buy her flowers in her favourite colours to place on it... it doesn't bring her back... I wish it would... HUGS!
Grief is so hard, I hope you are able to find some peace tonight.
Don't forget that words are only one form of journaling. Pictures, songs, scrapbooks, etc., can also make healing journals. Don't be afraid to get creative.
Gentle support while you sort, megan.
It goes like this: Gentle savior at thy knee, a little child looks up to thee,
Keep thee safely through star shine, make a gentle heart of mine, when you want me for your own guide my footsteps to thy thrown.
I hope this little prayer my mom taught me will offer you a little comfort like it does me cause I know my mom is always with me. Hugs and gentle support to you.