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trigger.? Am I a substance abuser??

orion777
orion777

I don't know and I don't want to overreact, but something popped into my head lastnight when I woke up and headed to the bathroom, that perhaps I might be a drug or substance abuser. I stayed in a hospital a couple of years ago to detox from benzos...that is long behind me now and I forgot about it...but


I was feeling quite stressed yesterday.  My problem is primarily an emotional problem above anything else.  But I got so anxious and worked up nothing could calm me down.  I am in the process of trying to switch from psychiatric Rx and am using medicinal weed...but I was tossing and turning.  Smoking didn't help.  Two hours later I woke up and went in the bathroom to do what I used to to.  I picked up the bottle of benzos, but was already intoxicated from not processing weed.  I spilled the bottle inadvertendly in the sink and was stumbling to pick up all of the pills because they were getting drowned in the water...but I was so out of it I could hardly stand.  I almost tripped.  In the middle of this it was dawning on me that I am struggling to even stand up and get coordinated, and I'm desperately picking up all of these pills that are scattering.  I should not be taking both at once and I had to ask myself while I was half asleep, "what the hell is wrong with you, what are you doing?"

arfie
arfie
For sure, mixing meds is dangerous business. Mixing habits is even more dangerous in my own trail of tears. The transition from one habit set to another has caused me trouble every time. I keep thinking it should be as easy as deciding, but it never is.

How are you holding up today?
orion777
orion777
Well it's been touch and go. Basically I am trying to replace my psych meds with mmj. My dr. was Ok with mmj but said I would need to continue psychiatric treatment, which I don't want to do...problem is that I notice my mind getting loopy after I quit the psych drugs...severe anxiety and suicidal thinking coming out of nowhere...but then I realize that gee, I've stopped taking my meds. Maybe this is what's causing it.!?! I probably need to be honest with my Dr. and stop playing games. She moved out of state but still does tele-appointments.
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
really soft, safe hugs. i've been thinking and i'm not sure but it sounds like maybe you tried to stop the prescribed medication when you started the mj and that won't be a safe plan i think.

you will most likely want to slowly work your way off of the medication(s) as you slowly add mj to help you a little at a time. these psychiatric medications are not to be stopped all of a sudded - i think that is why you are having these frightening thoughts and feelings. i'm so sorry you are feeling this way.

will you call your dr and see if you can get set up on a lowered dose of those meds to help you work your way down?
orion777
orion777
Yeah I do need to talk to my Dr. I don't know when my next appointment is. She has moved out of state, so I would be teleconferencing with her from the office. She probably knows that I got my records to give to the clinic, but we haven't talked about starting mmj since last year when I brought it up. I don't know if she knows that I've started treatment. I do need to speak to her or someone because you are right, I probably didn't think of it, but changing my meds on my own without directives is probably causing me more issues than I realize. Thanks for your insight.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I don't know, just a patient, too, but it seems like an incident you noticed for yourself for some reason. I would follow up with a call to my dr, like Lilly said, orion.
freefalling
freefalling
Orion, I was titrated off the benzos very slowly and had a really rough go of it. I don't think your a substance abuser but I do think that you should really talk to a doctor before beginning and ending any medication or treatment and so on. There are disturbing side effects if you do it to quickly and you can't tell which caused it. The ending of the meds or the starting of the mmj. Definitely get a hold of a doctor for some advice. How are you feeling today ? Any better then previously?
orion777
orion777
Thanks, freefalling. Everyone's input has been helpful. I resumed taking my psych meds and I dont' think I'm going to play around until I talk to my Dr. This is too complicated. I will say that I felt better after taking the psych meds. Feel more grounded and stable today. I need to do more research and look at this thoroughly.
HarleyDiva
HarleyDiva
You are not overreacting, you are aware that you might be a substance abuser and need help. You are going the right direction and need help to get where you need to be. Can you ask the doctor to change your prescriptions and ask about therapy? Being in a group of like-minded people going through the same situation can be helpful, just to listen or vent your feelings. You need emotional support now to get through the healing process.
You are worthy, loved and valuable and have a purpose. I have been through the same situation and wondered the same thing at times" what am I doing?" I made it through the mire with God's grace and help. It wasn't easy but I'm here to tell about it.
Teen Challenge can offer suggestions, they are a recovery group located all over the country and not just for teens, they also treat adults with addictions. I have worked with them and have seen the remarkable things they can accomplish. Their number is 1-866-797-9005.
I will be praying for your recovery and healing from the emotional hurt. You are in control and can do this, one day at a time. Blessings to you Orion 777
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