Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I've learned here on DS PTSD that I'm like a lot of us, it takes a while for me to know what I'm feeling, sometimes a long time.
Last week I mentioned that I'm blessed with an on campus interview for a new job next week as one of 3 finalists for a promotion to department chair at a university. It would be a big promotion for me, because I'm now just a senior instructor at a community college.
As I prepare, I know there's a least a big 66% chance that one of the other 3 finalists will with the job. But since there's that 33% chance I might be chosen for the job, I am preparing for good fortune. I bought a new pair of dress shoes, a new navy blazer, I got a new pair of gray slacks to match, I got a hair cut yesterday and the hair stylist touched up my gray hairs so I'll look as young and energetic as I can look.
That's the physical stuff. I'm preparing my demonstration lesson I have to teach during my on campus interview day next Friday March 16th, too. So there's the academic stuff.
It's the emotional stuff that's tricky for me right now. As I do the job of getting myself into the mind set of the 33% chance I might get the job, I'm feeling guilty. My guilt is about having mixed emotions on the verge of a blessed opportunity. I'm afraid, to be honest, and that's getting in the way of my emotional preparation. Last week I mentioned I was afraid because my estranged family lives near this university, but your support helped me get past that fear.
Like I said, it takes me a long time to know how I feel, but I figured out I had more fear in me beyond fear of my estranged family this morning after teaching psych 2 classes. Now I realize I have a different fear, just a generalized PTSD case of fear.
My PTSD symptoms are that I'm having trouble sleeping from it. I've felt like crying for no apparent reason, too, when I think I should be happy to be a finalist for a big job promotion, even if I don't get it.
I realize my PTSD is getting triggered a lot as March 16th approaches, because change makes me hypervigilant. I've been stuffing my fear because I feel guilty about having any other feeling than joy before an blessed opportunity.
Can anybody here relate? Support?
I don't know you well , but I have seen your a strong confident person. You deserve this and you just need to tell your self that. When I was nursing a position came available to be the charge nurse. I wasn't sure if I needed or wanted this responsibility. I had only been on the Palliative wing for 6 months. then I had a family come to me and thank me for the care I gave there mother. Apparently she had been a hard woman to get along with but she worked very well with me. we had great talks in the evening , when she was awake and in pain. the same week a student nurse came to me with a problem not knowing if she was cut out to be a nurse. I asked her why she was taking the training, what she wanted to do when she became a nurse and where she wanted to go. She knew all of these things but she didn't have the self confidence. I gave her a hug , told her she was doing an exceptional job and to be proud of the nurse she was becoming. I didn't realize I was being watched so when I got called in to the office I immediately thought the worse , as we usually do. I was shocked to hear that I was being asked if I would consider this position as Charge nurse. I took that very seriously. I said thank you and that I would need to think about it and talk to my husband because it would change my hours and we had three young children, growing up who needed love and guidance.
so I went home spoke to my spouse , who was very happy for me and said we could work around the hours . He asked me if this was something I wanted. I never really thought about it. what Charge nurse meant and the responsibilities. I decided not to take the position because I enjoyed who I was on the ward and working one on one with families and student nurses. After wards the person who got the job was gloating that she passed me up. Some of the other staff new I was asked and I said no thank you. but I thought what good will it do if I stand up and boast I was offered the job and refused. I decided it did no good. if the other person needed to feel like that so be it. I answered to myself and my family . and the hospital board.I never said anything kept quiet. it just so happens the other charge nurse told her I was asked first and declined. this made the person angry and they transferred. I couldn't understand why? but I realized I am here to do a job and I do it to the best of my ability. you have done that too. You may get the job but even though you don't you will still be an amazing person, there for others to look up to and ask for help. I think you will be a very good choice. so I put my faith in you and hope that it turns out the way you would like it. Good luck. Try and get rest, tell yourself, I have done all I can do now it is up to the board. If there is something you need to read and you will be ready for it. I am confidant in that. Good luck. keep in touch and now that we are all here for you no matter what happens. if you need to talk when you cannot sleep come on Ds I am usually on as I sleep very poorly. Hugs casey
That could happen by my not being chosen after all, or--who knows?--by my seeing that it's not for me, like happened when you decided not to be the Charge nurse after all.
For me the thing is that this time in my life I've included those around me in my decision process. If I get chosen and go, I'll need support for getting ready to move and for leaving my home and friends behind.
If I don't get chosen, I'll need support for not taking it as rejection of all that I am and instead an administrative decision based on factors beyond my control. I'll need support for taking it as an affirmation that I belong where I am.
Lastly, if I get chosen and decide not to go, like you decided not to be Charge nurse, that will be when I'd need support most of all. I would want to be ready for the over thinking that might follow my decision. I'd need support to be confident in my choice like you were.
In any case, thank you for your story. It's right on target as to the road ahead of me this week.