There is never a good or decent answer for that question. You are NOT alone though. There are many people here. I know it's not the same as having people nearby, a shoulder to cry on...or someone to comfort you in person. Hug you while you cry...cheer you up while you're sad. I know that it feels like we're all alone to fight with our battles and that nobody understands us. It's not fair to feel like that...and I completely understand.

I think our heads are so full of things...that it looks for a way out. Some people write journals. Have you thought of doing that lately?? Just writing it down...to get it out of your system?? I mean, I'm sure you have...but, just curious. Try singing to yourself. There are a lot of self soothing things you can do. It's just a matter of finding what works for you. :) I hope that you do find something. :)

If it helps, my head gets full of questions like that too. And I've told people in a support group for my chronic illness that I feel like my head is going to explode sometimes. They gave me odd looks and I realized that it was something more than the physical illness that was bothering me.

Since then I've learned about PTSD.

I have my worst problems at night, too. Lately I just wind up going online and falling asleep at the computer. If I get into bed, I get all wound up. Some nights I never even make it into bed at all.

I hate lying in bed with everything racing inside me and all these bad feelings tearing me up.

No, you are not alone, I was abused and neglected as a child too and PTSD is only one of the illnesses I have as a result.

Bad things happen to good people are children all over the world don't deserve an upbringing like that.

But we HAVE had a bad hand of cards. This has meant that, for example, comnapared to most of the girls I went to High School with, my life is very different.

But I'm going through a years long process of coming to terms with it, taking every possible action to lessen negatyiveity in my life and to take positive action for a positive future. For me that's meant AA - I'm a 12, nearly 13 years sober member of AA, I work in psychiatry and take medication and I am in totally committed long-term therapy that has really changed the ballgame. Don't get me wrong, I'm on the Disability Pension and have been for 5 years - not my choisce but I have no choice. No parents, no partner, no kids and and no contact with the rest of family as they are so sick and they don;t work on themselves like I do.

But there is the potential for life", even if it's not the life I would have chosen for myself - and the same applies to you.