I know I can say this here and folks won't freak out, 'cause folks here feel this way often, too, and still come up positive. I'm tired. Nothing's wrong, it's just that these days my one day off is Tuesdays, as I'm working through the weekends.

So it's Monday night, and I'm thinking "how the heck did I do all of this stuff the last 7 days on 40% kidney capacity? How did I talk anybody off the ledge at work with all of my PTSD stuff going on? Where do I get the nerve?"

Today I:
--loaned a colleague I teach with $50 bucks for groceries because she's only part time and enrollment didn't make in 2 of her classes and they were canceled, so no paycheck
--had a student come to my office to cry because her best young friend died of leukemia this past Friday
--had a good friend of mine tell me he fell and had a concussion last week, his wife fell last week and broke 2 bones, and that they also decided that after 27 years of marriage it was time to get a divorce.
--had a coworker call me from home at my work office at lunch time to ask me to tell him if he was slurring his words because he had a stroke last week and I drove him home from the hospital after it, so he thought of asking me
--had a stranger I just met after church yesterday look me up to tell me he just had surgery for a melanoma and he's afraid to die
--had a foreign student come by my office at lunch to tell me she broke her glasses, she can't see beyond 2 feet, she has no car, and she needs to get new glasses

Oh, yeah, and I taught 2 sections of my death and dying class for nursing students in between that stuff. Our textbook talked about miscarriages. After class 2 students came up crying to me and I listened while they told me about their own miscarriage grief. They just needed for me to be there for them for a few minutes between classes. Then when I had listened to them and was walking away, another student came to tell me some news. Her classmate in the class I'd just taught who has kidney disease like me had collapsed just after our class today and had to be taken to the hospital.

After a day's work like this it left me wondering if tomorrow's time off will be enough rest for me to get back on the horse and do it for 7 days again. That 40% of kidney function leaving me only 40% of my energy keeps coming back to me. When I got home from work today I just dove onto my couch and slept hard for 2 hours solid.

Anyway, I guess tomorrow's rest on my day off will be enough. Just sometimes I don't know where the gumption comes from.

Well, take care, my friends. Just venting. We'll do what we need to do, right? How are you doing?