Calmer doesn't equal bump-free, Jenny. The grief of life is rough, whichever the path you choose to walk.

Steadying support while you process the loss of your grandma. I, too, am thankful your cousin is there for you.

Hugs Jenny.

That's difficult. You are handling it with much grace. Sometimes doing what is best for yourself is hard. I'm happy you are able to face it and continue to do what is best for you.

triple hugs

I just joined this group today so I thought I would say Hi!

Wow, can I ever relate. It's almost exactly what happened when I decided on emancipation from my foo, too (family of origin). Lots of support to you!

Thanks to everyone for your support and hello and welcome drjd. The power of zazen has been such a relief from all the thinking and hurting, I honestly don't know what I would do without it. Not even antianxiety meds are touching this anxiety but with time comes healing so I'm hopeful, if anything. Muji you manage to validate me every time, my ego needs it hate to say because I'm often comparing my hurts to others and that further supports my families description of me being a sensitive brat. The name calling isn't what hurts, what hurts is that ptsd has no barriers, time is then, then now then back again all at once. It does create hyper sensitivities in us at times but is no different an injury than cancer or diabetes. I'd take it a step further to say that judging someone eating a whole cake who has diabetes isn't something everyone is immune from but to judge someone in an episode of ptsd is inconceivable to me. Triggers come at us at any time, new triggers happen or rather ones we didn't even know we had comes. During my episode, which I'm still in, I honestly just want to feel safe and normal. I don't mean everyone should bend over backwards and coddle me, just some simple understanding. Like google ptsd, understand it on a level that someone doesn't have it can then have some compassion even if it's from a happy i don't have it point of view. Something! The judging from my family was ultimately my need to leave them be. My kids and hubs don't treat me how my foo do so I don't get as defensive and angry with them when I'm like this, hence why they don't get lashed out at like me foo. I've tried explaining that to them but to no avail, my behaviour is the only that matters to them, not what's inside.

***facepalm***

Well if you ever wanted validation that your perceptions of your family are spot on...you just got it!

Im sorry ur hurting. Hugs.

Absolutely a face palm for myself too, proof is in the pudding. Ah such is life for some of us. Thanks Patti for the humour in all this lol

Beany, thanks for your kind words, hugs back at ya

I wouldn't ever want text for such information. It has no emotion that can be seen. I know that I would not be able to do more than a few succinct words in grief. My hands would shake too much to hit the keys.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find a way to honor her sooner than the spring.
Jenny if she was your island in the storm, as my surrogate grandmother was, then share something she taught you as an honor?
Semma(tobacco) down, Prayers up.
J.

So Sorry for your loss of your grandpa, very sad. supportive hug to you

Thank you