I have not writen here i awhile. Some of you know me and for what i have been through. Everyday i see new faces and encourage new folks enven though my emotions and my anxiety are running high. I have been dealing with this now for forty two years. It has gotten to the point in my life that i can not keep this secret about my ordeal from my family. Over the years my family was dwindaling down to a liitle hand full. Now it's growing again and i can't be more ecited but at the same time it's overwelming. Everyone knows if you bury something inside,deep inside where you think it will never surface again. When we bury someting deep that has happened years ago we leave the child behind,and it's that child that try's so hard to kick it upstairs as long as you don't tell. And that is what exactly what's happend to me. I finally found the space and the courage to shair to my family excluding the childern to talk about the gory and nasty details about my ordeal. My family knew half the story and nothig else was kown. I felt that i would not be understood,and i would be seing different. You should never being seen being diferent. And no one should see you as being that person. I am so grateful to be with my family and to be like i have should have been. It feels so comforting to get what happend to me out in the open and i would not be judge for what you thought was your fault. It's not. We have got to stay strong and never loos that sreanth.

Scott