TLDR I'm out of the hospital. I feel better but my family is still maddening to deal with.

I left the hospital yesterday. I'm doing amazingly better. But crazy family shit happened during and after my stay there.

While I was in the hospital, my mother reached across space and time zones to try to get in touch with me. She asked her church leader to reach out to someone I was in the youth program with. That person knows my friend down here. She badgered all these people to tell me my father is on life support.

My dad is NOT on life support.

My dad is in the hospital. He has bleeding ulcers. But there's something you need to know. This is the second time this year he went in for this. He has rheumatoid arthritis and insist on taking a high dose of prednisone and asperin. He can't take asperin. He has been in the hospital several times for these ulcers since I was in high school. He was intubated and put under for 2 days so he could heal from the treatment. No person could handnle that much pain apparently.

I called my father and spoke to him in the hospital. I figured the life support thing was probably bs (which it was) but I had to find out for myself because I can't just go and see for myself. 

He picked up the phone in his hospital room. He was hourse and tired but he sounded good. We had a brief lpleasant conversation. He said that they hadn't heard from me in 10 months. I said, "You know why. If you ever act like that again, I will cut you off permanently." He apologized. Then went to asking about me. Honestly just getting an I'm sorry out of him is a small miracle. He doesn't say it often.

I spoke to my mother too. She weeped and weeped and acted like the prodical daughter had finally returned. Ugh. I had the same conversation with her. You know why I cut you off. She profusely apologized even though she claims she doesn't remember what she did. That may be true but I remember the hell they put me through clearly.

I gave them my emergency back up number on my throw away phone. I have it for emergencies and I can toss it if they screw up. And said if they call more than once a week, they're done.

She got my cousin in on it. My cousin has tried to contact me on every social media site possible and gets around the blocking. Both my cousin and my mom contacted me through my writer's page on facebook this time. I have to delete that now. I was pondering a new pen name anyway after I unblocked my mom briefly. Plus I have had another one in mind so I need to be selective in who I tell. So far only two people and they are NOT related to me. Absolutely no relatives allowed. 

I got into it with my cousin. She said stop trying to block me. I am trying to get info to you about your dad. 

I wroter her that I had blocked her because she allowed herself to be a pawn in my mother's manipulation. I said,"You see a sweet older woman who isn't all quite htere. But she abusive and manipulative and she manipulated you." I told her that I had back surgery and no one in the family called. And that she doesn't know the hell that they put me through when I was my most vulnerable.

Her response [paraphrased] You never ask about my health. You're a childish and ungrateful daughter.

Cuzzo stopped talking to me years ago because her boyfriend of 3 day (online) accused me of hitting on him. It never happened. Instead of talking to me about it, she cut me off. I can't ask how she's doing if she cut me off. I ever sent her a message a year or so after that. Didn't get one in return.

So I said,"Please don't contact me again. Good bye"  She replied with "f%$ off." When I didn't respond, she said "And stop trying to friend request my friends on facebook." Yeah that never happened. So I said,"You got it."

Cuz has always been a drama queen.

But the soul crushing part is that I have believed for a long time that really am ungrateful, that I am childish because I can't stand on my own two feet and work and maintain a place to live. Her words are the worse things that I already think about myself and what my family thinks. 

I felt good before they all jumped on me again. So now I'm eliminating all of my social media accounts and use my pen name for everything, which is a name that they would never associate with me. Im considering a legal name change. I think it's about $200 and go to a judge to make the change.

I am so sick from them and of them. WTF else can I do? They are bad for me. I don't want contact with them but if they have this phone maybe they will stick to a limited contact schedule. Though I doubt my mother can handle it. 

My mood dived after that exchange with my cuz. I gotta change my social media tonight. I'll feel a lot better after I do.