I wanted to share a some hope you all of you. For the past three years I have been fighting for disability or SSI. I have been denied three times becuase social security said I was not sick enough. After the first denial I made the decision to get a lawyer becuase of the endless paper work and questions you have to answer. It is a hassle and so I hired a lawyer. After three years of denial I was scheduled for a hearing before a judge and that judge would decide if I am capable to work or not. I was sent to two of their doctors after the second time I was denied, one a therapist and one a general doctor. When I went to the general doctor I was having a major panic/anxiety attack in the waiting area. I was so scared that I was going to pass out that I took two zanax and prayed like I never prayed. By the time I was called the zanax had kicked in and I was out of it. When my vitals were taken they were fine and when the doctor saw me he just told me to do three things like walk from one side of the room to the other and then said that was it. The therapist asked me the same questions that I had filled out on the paper work for social security. I was not asked anyother questions because he said he was only allowed to veryify what I had already wrote down. I could not tell him anything and withing 10 minutes I was done. Then I was denied and that is when a hearing was scheduled. During the whole time I was able to see this wonderful christian counselor but she could not prescribe medication, so I had to rely on my general doctor to prescribe me zoloft. the one therapist I was able to get I only saw for two months becuase she no longer was going to practice where I live, she was leaving out of town. I called all therapist that would except medicaid and they would not see me becuase i had a prior therapist or they were not taking new patients. Only one said they may see me but I am still on the waiting list. My lawyer told me that I had to get a therapist because with out one social security would not approve my case. He basically said that my counselors input would not matter because she did not have the proper degree. The day before my hearing my lawyer said that he did not see any reason why I could not work. He said that my dizzyness, forgetfulness, shaking, loss of concentration, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, blurry vision, nausea, vomiting, headaches, and panic attacks were not enough to give me benefits. He basically told me to expect that I would not get benefits. I am proud to say that I am able to work at my church for 20 hours a week and the only reason I can is becuase if I feel bad I am able to go home, if I get an attack I am prayed over and then told to go home. From day one they have been very understanding and if I have to have my children with me I am allowed to bring them with me to work. My lawyer said i could work full time at this job, but I know I can't becuase towards the end of my work day I am shaking, and my vision is very blurry but I am able to go home for the rest of the day and rest. If I do more than this I get terribly sick in every possible way. So with a week case, three denials, no therapist, not enough proof, and my lawyer already certain that I would not win my case I went to my hearing. I took my young daughter with me becuase I have a fear of being alone, and took three buses to get there. On the way over there while on the bus my husband called me and said he wanted to pray. So my husband over the phone and my daughter and i bowing our heads and holding hands prayed that god's will be done that day. I prayed that whatever was meant to happen that it would happen. I was scared becuase we have been living in a motel and being told that my husband and I were going to lose my daughters becuase we could not support them. And once our income tax would run out we were going to be struggling worse than we have been. But I let all my worries go and my faith kicked in like never before. I got on my knees and lifted all my worries to God. I walked in there with faith and a calmness that I have never felt. I arrived early and as soon as I got there I was told the person before me did not show up so the judge was going to see me. The lawyer was concerned becuase I took my daughter and said that I should have left her home. I told him that my daughter was not going to be a problem. When he stepped out I looked at my daughter and told her that this hearing was very important and that she would have to be quiet in front of the judge. she looked at me and said not to worry she would be good and promised me. I am so proud of my daughter becuase she sat in a chair next to me the whole time without saying a word and waited patiently for me to finish (my daughter usually after five minutes she gets inpatient). It turned out my counselor sent in a form on my behalf the day before stating why I could not work more than the 20hours a week. The judge was wonderful, very understanding and within 30 minutes she told me not to worry anymore and to take care of myself and my husband and my two girls becuase I was going to get benefits. And that I was going to get a therapist that was going to help me. She never questioned anything I said and she made sure my counselors paper work was considered. When I went in to another room to talk to my lawyer he was in shock. He said that I won my case and that he has never had a judge say right then and there that someone would get benefits. He could not believe that I had won my case. The judge spoke to me and barely said one word to my lawyer. I was in awe becuase I new that the lord had done this, that God's will was done that day in that room. Everything and everyone in this world said that I was not sick enough and anxiety was not enough, that I did not deserve benefits for three years and in one day the Lord changed that. So today I praise God and want to tell you that when it looks like everything and everyone is against you don't lose hope and don't lose faith becuase all you need is God's love to get you through it. I hope my story helps. lots of love to all of you, Jody