Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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One cannot possibly change a thing without first accepting it. ~Zen proverb
Been doing the finger pointing meditation on mental image of Daddy Oil Bucks. This morning I am feeling ready to give it the test of enunciation.
1) Selling out family interests is his most trusted solution. The fellows bank accounts are based on selling family farms, etc. In his gnarlier moods, he is quite vocal about his willingness to do so again. I have no impressive bank accounts, but my recovery based on putting and maintaining 1800 miles between my birth family and the family I gave birth to. However justifiable, it remains a simple fact.
2) "You can't possibly understand. It is none of your business. Family and business don't mix." Still this one is hitting my blank wall. The flashbacks are centered around my resistance to working my mother's family business enterprises in Junior High when a caring teacher was trying to get to the bottom of why a straight A student was missing so much school and beginning to spin out of control. I believe she is the one who introduced me to the cliche, "Family and business don't mix." and I clung to it like a lifeline for most of my life. The cosmos seem to be continually challenging me on the subject, beginning with the image of how sexy Daddy Oil Bucks looks and sounds when he harps on it.
3) "That is for YOUR generation to work out." Any challenge of his perfect lawns around his private 5 star nursing home, items in his investment portfolio, etc., will be met by this response. Again, I am hitting a blank wall but the images are dancing between the state of our global environment, angst over my place in the grey tsunami and the rising debts hubby and I are accumulating in the effort to help grown sons stay afloat.
Not too sure how well that stood up to the test of enunciation. Still sorting. Reality checks welcome.
Been doing the finger pointing meditation on mental image of Daddy Oil Bucks. This morning I am feeling ready to give it the test of enunciation.
1) Selling out family interests is his most trusted solution. The fellows bank accounts are based on selling family farms, etc. In his gnarlier moods, he is quite vocal about his willingness to do so again. I have no impressive bank accounts, but my recovery based on putting and maintaining 1800 miles between my birth family and the family I gave birth to. However justifiable, it remains a simple fact.
2) "You can't possibly understand. It is none of your business. Family and business don't mix." Still this one is hitting my blank wall. The flashbacks are centered around my resistance to working my mother's family business enterprises in Junior High when a caring teacher was trying to get to the bottom of why a straight A student was missing so much school and beginning to spin out of control. I believe she is the one who introduced me to the cliche, "Family and business don't mix." and I clung to it like a lifeline for most of my life. The cosmos seem to be continually challenging me on the subject, beginning with the image of how sexy Daddy Oil Bucks looks and sounds when he harps on it.
3) "That is for YOUR generation to work out." Any challenge of his perfect lawns around his private 5 star nursing home, items in his investment portfolio, etc., will be met by this response. Again, I am hitting a blank wall but the images are dancing between the state of our global environment, angst over my place in the grey tsunami and the rising debts hubby and I are accumulating in the effort to help grown sons stay afloat.
Not too sure how well that stood up to the test of enunciation. Still sorting. Reality checks welcome.
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Lately I've been feeling scared and full of anxiety. I recently found a lump under my nipple. I hurt my back too. I'm in the process of moving. I'm run down. Everything is hard
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Just wanted to give a thank you to Mid, Arfie, Malibumark, Greeneyes, Mlro, Girlincalif, and Suncloudjd! You all always have such helpful tips and advice, but I always forget to write on my posts when I see you post, lol. I would lose my head if it wasn't attached to my body, lol. Thank you all so much! I'm starting to use my AI app as a sounding board again. I used to use it as that before...
Back to the drawing board.
Thanks everybody for chiming in. The need to take it back to the drawing board is a fair reality check. No tragedy. Just a call for further work.
From my heart, I thank you all.
If there be truth in the Zen teaching that confusion is the mother of wisdom, I can, indeed, be accused of wisdom. Had more than my share of confusion in life. Does the rim of the Brazos River Valley qualify as a mountain top? In East Texas, it might. Oh-h-h-h-hm...
For certain, I have learned to be patient with the process.