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I was introduced to the Inner Child theories fairly early in my psychotherapy in the 70's. They were/are extremely hard for me to wrap my head around. Any and all discussion of them triggered me to a child's eye view of adult parties in the kiddie whorehouse with Frank Sinatra crooning"Young at Heart" over cheap speakers. I still hate that song. . .
Those blasted theories still haven't faded into the Psychobabble Hall of Embarrassment. They have re-emerged through every phase of my recovery and look stronger than ever here in my current maintenence phase. I started playing with them in leaps of faith in the 80's when I started taking my amnesia therapy seriously. My sons were elementary age then, so it was a little easier to understand the difference between my child self and my adult self. At worst, the exercises helped me be a little more tolerant of my episodes. Still, the Frank Sinatra tune played in my head with every discussion of the theories.
I have been revisiting those theories and memories in recent weeks. They have been popping up in the most unexpected of places. Give me a freaking break, would you. I want that stupid song out of my head!!!! Trusting in the healing mysteries, I have been letting it flow. The epitome is that there has been a flashback trigger sequence between me and my understanding of those theories. This would be the first time I have recognized the song, etc., as part of actual flashbacks. Plural intended. At the turn of the 60's, that song was a favorite among the adults in the kiddie whorehouses. The flashbacks of the song include mocked versions from the clusters of frightened children.
I think. Maybe? Reality checks welcome. Am I making sense?
Sorting. . .
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I'm alive, I'm sleeping like a rock, and for some reason I wanted cherry juice so that seems to be helping. (??? Weirdo that I am.)***Infamous therapies over history:1. The Attic. The madwoman in the attic is a motif in literature going waaaaaay back: the nutty female relative is locked in the attic. (See: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte for a grotesquely racist version of it, and Charlotte Perkins...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
These little monsters, as I would call them, appear with a goodly amount of predictability in times of stress when decisions, choices, actions, and consequences require a steady hand to navigate, and they make it nearly impossible to think logically and with circumspect. Their messages, aka, maladaptive thoughts, incite strong and toxic emotions upon which I and many have learned to react with excessive use of chemicals, gambling, binge eating, cutting, shopping, or sex, just to show the tip of the ice burg.
There is a physiological response: We feel it in our gut, throat, heart, head, throughout our whole body.
In my experience, the force behind these arousals is no innocent child and there is a growing number out there who are coming up with the same conclusion.
9 Ways to Shush Your Inner Bully: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7644/9-ways-to-shush-your-inner-bully-and-be-more-successful.html
Casting Out The Inner Bully: http://thepositivemom.com/casting-out-the-five-lethal-demons
Fortunately I and others have developed the cognitive skills and strength needed to muffle the sound and effect of the Inner Bully and are able to circumnavigate their false readings.
Learning and practicing mindful presence and being physically fit are probably the two biggest factors in rendering my inner bully as insignificant.
In my own strictly personals, I am not sure I'm ready to branch off into the Inner Bully theories this morning. What I've read of them so far haven't quite resonated with me so far. but who knows. I could just be letting denial be a river in North Africa again. Will give it another chew when I am able.
My inner bully is my abusers' training, that's all. The default setting they programmed into me when I was too young to speak. I had no say, literally. Reflexes trained like Pavlov's dogs before I could spell "dog".
So for me, the whole thing remains mysterious. Who si this "Inner Chlid"? Where does it live? How can I talk to it without ending up in some personality split issue? Do I have to separate myself into different pieces to heal? It feels so weird to me....
So that's my ramble on it, FWIW.... Which ain't much, really.
Certain songs around each trauma are major triggers, huge, and one that hits home would be friggin hell so for that I am so sorry you have to deal with that, it's awful. I remember one song going on for a whole month non stop in my head, it was insane, just would not shut up. I asked a therapist why and got no answer so what I've come up with is my mind was slightly fried, I was so overwhelmed by the frantic over thinking that the constant back ground music was a freakish reminder for when I wasn't thinking to get thinking again. A break down of sorts. All I know is when it shut up so did my thoughts. I'm not diagnosed with anything besides dysthymia and ptsd, damaged from my complete and utter disregard that my mom likes little mouldable girls but my choosing to grow up anyways. The audacity lol.
So my thoughts, based on experience, is ride it out and acknowledge that things are big right now. Grounding and meditation but I'm not even sure that helps. It's an egg before the chicken question in that I'm not sure if you quiet the mind, or even can, and the background noice will follow or vice versa. Either way I feel for ya and I hope you find some relief soon.
Given the parenting crisis in motion, this part of the Inner Child therapy was coupled with the 80's rendition of, "Parenting the Inner Child." I think that has since given way to more splinters than I care to keep up with, but I honestly believe the 80's rendition helped considerably. Maybe it was more the therapist than the theory. She was special.
somehow, for me, the inner child thinking has been more of a comforting of the "then me" if you can. not so much all these different parts and pieces but the where i was then and what i know now, who i am now being able to share with who i was then.
super simple and so very complicated all at the same time, like many truths in life.
yes, sometimes who we were then are very hurt and angry. i haven't been to any of those times with my "then self" so i cannot speak to that. i wouldn't jump to demons, but that is me.
i am not interested in demonising myself or anything within myself. i was abused not possessed. horrible things happening to me caused me to have an injury which has been called PTSD. this is a normal reaction to not normal things happening to us.
i apologise, arf. i think i got carried away a bit, X
Nope you didn't get carried away, at all, Lilly. Trust the Brat. She sees things that should never have been cultured out of her.
Yea, I do enough internal demonizing on my own. It feels more abusive than healing inside my own skin. I like the part about, "I was abused, not possessed." It lets me acknowledge the depth of the hurt without supernatural victimizing. Imagining myself comforting those frightened children feels more healing than mocking the Young at Heart disciples. Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
https://www.selfleadership.org/outline-of-the-Internal-family-systems-model.html