I was planning being on my own ..and looking forward to it. I can't say my family is entirely toxic. For sure there is dysfunction and feelings I haven't dealt with yet but I wanted to just spend the time on my own. I have been feeling like "nesting" lately. I just want to stay tucked in and quiet. No forcing smiles or conversation. No reminders of bad things while I laugh and smile and choke down turkey. Just me, the cat, my jammies and Netflix.

I've been on my own for the last few years and it still feels weird to me... I guess in some ways I'm locked into what was and have had trouble making holidays special again
I'm okay being alone... I don't celebrate holidays really... I usually read a book... But I must admit I miss my family... They're all passed now however I do have a lot of very fond memories and I know I've been blessed in many ways.. .I tend to reflect on what was as opposed to trying to make new memories... At the same time I don't feel sad...More disconnected
I'm glad you feel okay with your decisions... Toxic would be lousy...x

I have done most of my holidays alone since I abandoned the clan in 1971. I was raised on the underbelly of the traditional holidays. All those winked at, but never talked about escapades that go on when the alcohol and cynicism start to take their toll. Thanksgiving to New Years is pretty much one long string of trauma anniversaries for me. Intensive therapy program work has become my own holiday tradition.

That tradition has worked well enough for me that this year we are gonna brave a turkey dinner here at the homestead. First ever in 34 years of marriage. The in-laws have run all holidays with iron rule. Since the MIL lost her capacity to run the holidays, the FIL has turned them into pro gigs. A holiday away from parental dictates is quite a change for hubs, as well. So far it is just hubs, youngest son and his family. I think we can handle it, but... Prayers welcome.

My core family has been celebrating the holidays 'alone' for over a decade now. We found the easiest way to deal with the toxic that is the dogma of holidays was to move two states away from all other family.

It has been me, hubby, and daughter for a long time now. We keep things low key and relaxed.

Ug... but this year daughter is dragging us out for turkey day. We are going to have dinner with her friends from the haunted corn maze. They are all friends of hubby's also. I have met them all. I may or may have talked to all of these people.

I am terrified. Though my Service Dog is welcome, there is no way I can convince her not to shed on his white on white place. I would have to follow her around with a link roller. It will be less stressful to leave her at home... and my only hiding spot will be the SUV.

I would be so much happier if hubby and daughter went without me and let me just spend the day with a book and some music. That won't happen as hubby won't leave without me, so for him I will plant a fake smile on my face and try to be ok around a room of 20-somethings who share a love of horror with each other.

I have a friendship with hubby and daughter in common with them

@Suncloud. Disconnected is a good word. I feel disconnected sometimes and not just on holidays. It isn't awful though.

It's good you're staying away from a toxic environment.

im not completely one my own i have my partner bobby my boy and i at odds i cannot go back i need to stick to my guns , he did say something today im from here i came back because my heath was bad i i have gotton back to myself but all my grandbabys are there it to bad of weather to drive there it get bad along that river , i sure miss the kids netflex nite it pouring rain make my arthrites hurt

I have been on my own the last several years too Muji.
I started dreading it a month ago, but then I started asking my single friends what their plans were and now one of them I am going out to dinner with. This is the first year in 4 that I have been well enough to get out so I am going to take advantage of it and to finally say yes to a friend that always asks.

Christmas Eve is spent at church which I really look forward to. On Christmas day, I like to spend the morning at home, sleep in, make cinnamon rolls and special coffee, watch a parade or the like. Then, I'll go to the movies or stay home depending on the weather, if I am sick or feeling squirly, in which case I'll go to a 12 step meeting where there is always a lot of joy and laughter. I used to hate the idea of going to a meeting on the holiday, now I look forward to it because people are so grateful that they are NOT with their toxic family and grateful to be sober.

Something else a friend taught me when she was single and no family was she would choose whether to celebrate the holiday or not. I thought of not celebrating this year and just make it "another day" as an option, but I am feeling better about it now. What got me through a lot of lonely holidays was telling myself, "it's only 24 hours and it's over". Thanks for the topic.

Count me in, Muji!

Hubby is going to his brother for the annual to-do at his brother's house 90 miles away. Before my disability and the pain issues (me in car more than 30 minutes equals me walking on a cane for a week because of the stress on my bum hip).... I'd go.

Now? Nope. this is year FOUR of the Annual Thanksgiving Leo-Thon!

I make a bunch of my favorite (healthy) nibbles---homemade veggie spring rolls and dip, my Polish grandma's nut brittle, etc.--- and just spend the day watching eveyr sappy holiday feel-good special and movie I own or can find on TV. I call my mom's fam up home, Mom then goes back to her part of the house to do her annual "Giving Thanks I'm Not Cooking" pizza order, and it's this amazing mellow peaceful day.

Then we have our family supper (me, Hubby, Mom, sometimes a friend or two) on Saturday, and it's all very relaxed. No fancy crystal or table settings or anything, just everyday stuff, because every day is a day to be grateful for. (This is my Polish Grandma's tradition.)

I kinda actually like the solitude. Everyone else is sooooo fried---like I used to be going into the holiday----and now it's zero pressure.

I also use the day to wite out all the Christmas cards.

I felt really weird the first year, and last year really upset me b/c Hubby had previously promised to spend the day with me and didn't, but I realized it was a good day to self-indulge and self-care.
A day-cation, so to speak.

Wow, I didn't realize I was so okay with it. Hmmm.

I wish I could be alone...

Good for you.. I'm still stick spending mine with toxic family. I hope I find the strength you have some day.

Thks for this thread. I'm new to this group. I checked it out about a week ago, and then just now, after watching a movie that brought back some things, and this seemed like the group to be at.


I like the topic. I have posted on Christmas in another group, but Thanksgiving pretty much the same minus dog presents, plus turkey.
I've spent several holidays alone. I stopped worrying about it and started enjoying it...idk how many years ago, lets say 5. But accepted some invitations. I feel most comfortable just staying home, enjoying my pets, cooking a nice meal. Last thanksgiving, I did make a big turkey! had lots of leftovers, lots of freezer food, lots of extra's for the doggy and kitty dinners. Why not. This year I hope to find a much smaller one though. I will stay in cook, eat and watch movies, and take doggies for a walk. And before you know it, it will be black Friday, in which I most definatley WILL NOT SHOP! ;) I think i'll sign on DS to say hello, too. A new Thgvg tradition.

Wow, what a number of replies among us on this one. I'm really pleased at the variety of ways we're letting ourselves approach the holidays. I feel free and encouraged to be myself about them now. Thanks, everybody. Maybe we could keep in touch on Thanksgiving Day itself, like Lilly said.

It would be really nice to have our little community here on Thanksgiving. I'm not sure who all will be here or if I'll be mostly hanging on on my own. Reading your replies helped me a lot though. The idea of curling up with a cat, healthy nibbles and Netflix - and some really good tea - is not at all an unwelcome idea.

I've been alone so to speak for holidays and Birthdays for the last few years cause I've been in the hospital and no one came to see cause there lives were to busy. This year my wife and I got to do something for my birthday. I would love to be home for Thanksgiving. I'm going to spend it with my wife and some of her family just because in this case I love her enough to do so and it really doesn't take anything away from me. If it did I wouldn't go. I've love being home alone in the past to stay away from toxic people. Tha ks foe the topic and all the comments.