I have an appt to see my TDoc in just about an hour.  Last time we touched a little on the PTSD events but this time it will be only about PTSD events (combat-related).  This will cause me to cry and I NEVER cry in front of others.  I feel that I am losing control when I get emotional enough to cry.  I also wanted to mention that the drugs that I am on make me more emotional and I find myself quietly and discretely choking back tears from things on the TV.  She is going to force me.  I dread what will happen once the damn breaks on the tears and I have a lot stored up from the PTSD experiences.  Am I going to rant and rave and break things?   I am dreading this.  And to top it off she wants to come back to these experiences often to "desensitize" me.  I wish I could run away from these memories just deny their existence and deny the hold they have over me.