Sorry to post again and hit the "I'm having a crisis" button. Apologies.  Y'all know it's not like me to have two posts sitting close together on DS PTSD.  I decided, though, I had to make an exception and ask for more help.  I went out grocery shopping today Thursday for the first time since getting out of the hospital for pneumonia last Sunday, and it was way, way harder than I thought it would be.  By the time I got to the cashier I was drenched with sweat and had stumbled a couple of times.  I was weak as a kitten.  

So I paid one of the bag boys $5 to get my groceries to the car and back home I drove.  Today Thursday was my first time driving since getting out of the hospital on Sunday.  My reflexes behind the wheel were lousy.  Then getting the bags of groceries from my trunk into my apartment on my own was a BEAR. 

Now I hope to rest a day and go to a hotel in the city for my birthday.  But I don't know.  I got trip insurance in case I have to cancel.   Whew.  This recovery thing this week is turning out to be HARD and doing it solo is tough.  Youza.  I'm fiercely independent, but I had to get that bag boy to help me or else.  I can't do all things solo, I guess.  It's triggering my PTSD anxiety all over the place.

I'm kind of scared by what happened in the grocery story today, to be honest.  I know it's projecting, but I had to admit that in spite of knowing that I'm kind of freaking out about my future, and reaching early retirement at 62 in 2 years to retire in Mexico.  I wonder how I can look forward to that if I can barely pull off a trip to the grocery store. 

Right or wrong, I'm freaking out with PTSD anxiety here a little.  Psychological, spiritual, and moral support very welcome.