Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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A woman I know from student services called me out of the blue and asked if she could drop by my office hour this morning at the community college where I teach. I said, "sure," but while I waited for her to get there I wracked my brain trying to remember what I could possibly have done to get a student to rat me out to the student services office this time.
It turns out that I'm not the center of the universe; it wasn't about me. It's that a student of mine DIED in one of the dorms last night. Folks are pretty traumatized, so the community college president sent this woman from student services to see if I would say a few words at a memorial service for the departed young man tomorrow in our auditorium.
If you don't know my backstory, I'm here partly because I was a hospital chaplain in my previous career. Kidney disease knocked me off my feet in 2010, so I moved on 8 years ago to teaching psych death and dying courses to my community college's nursing students for a living. The combo of my past role as minister as a chaplain and my current role as psych prof led them to think of me for this role in my college auditorium tomorrow.
I didn't really know the student very well, but I respected him a lot. He lived with cerebral palsy and overcame other related birth defects his whole life and was wheelchair bound. There was no foul play, no drug overdose, no suicide involved in his death. He'd just been telling people he didn't feel great lately, so his body gave out on him and he died in his sleep. When my time comes, quite honestly, I hope I get to go like that, too, though I will have been more fortunate as far as having more years behind me goes. He was only 25.
I feel a little funny about checking off the box here saying "I am having a crisis," then, because the crisis was obviously his, not mine. However, time's of the essence here in my request for support for me to find the words to give this young man a good send off. I also want to say the right words to comfort his parents as much as possible, and to console the college community tomorrow, too. Support welcome, y'all.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Sending you much support & gentlest of hugs
You have faced many adversities in life yourself. You have seen how trauma affects not only yourself and others.
Sending you prayer/meditative. and support your way muji.
I am so very sorry that this young man has lost his life.... May God bless all who love him..... Gentle hug......xo
Just because.
***Funny how they turn to you in their time of need. Once again, your experiences have enriched your college community. Just as that man's did all those around him.***
I adapted them from my Book of Common Prayer for tomorrow's service. Since it's a public college and there will be separation of church and state issues for some, I've kept the "God" talk and the "amens" out of them though they are prayers all the same.
"(Please observe a moment of silence, then words of reflection)
I. Words for the Grieving pp.364-365
If in this memorial of death our thoughts are startled, may we bring one another stillness.
May we cover the sorrow of our hearts with folded hands of grace to wait silently and with patience for the strength to go on. If we are weak and falter, may we bear one another's burdens through the valley of the shadow on into the light.
Blessed be.
II. Words for the Grieving pp.379
As our hearts ache in the human hurting of loss today,
may our memorial bring to mind together the balance of our brother's days.
Sustain his friends and family in their loss and their loneliness by
kindling anew warm memories of times of love in life. May the rest of
us be reflect those memories back as faithful witnesses so he may live
among us forever in our hearts. Blessed be.
III. Closing words for those who mourn p.389
May mercy and comfort rest in grace upon all who mourn among us
today. May consolation fill our hurting hearts with the faith that in the
end love does conquer all. May we experience the reality that though
death may end a life,it never can end a relationship. Blessed be."
Like I said in my private message I sent earlier, I think they're ok enough. Who can ever be sure of such a thing? I'll just pray it may come across as my best.
Hoping for good rest now....
Muji
huge big hugs for you Muji
You find much better words than I ever could. All I'll say is that this touched me deeply:
"If we are weak and falter, may we bear one another's burdens through the valley of the shadow on into the light."
and saying the wrong thing in such a delicate moment for the family, so
I went ahead and shared shared what I'd say for your validation. I
really appreciate receiving it!