I am doing more or less fine, except that some days I feel that all my demons come crawling out of nowhere. As someone with PTSD, OCD, and a survivor of sexual abuse, some days I just struggle to feel ok, even when things are ok.

I am going through a difficult situation at work. Like many of us with ocd, I'm socially awkward, but I am not a hermit nor am I hostile to anyone.

The place I work is run in a very controlling, passive/aggressive, cover-everything-and-keep-good-appearances way. Not the healthiest working environment.

In the past year or so, I was being shunned because I refuse to go to bars with my coworkers (I don't normally drink, and I hate the bar scene). Since being shunned and ostracized is something way too familiar to me, I went into protective mode, and I managed to do well, keep my cool, and even set some boundaries as I look for another job.

Now apparently they decided to "lift the ban" on me, but they don't seem to realize that it was me the one banning them and that (sadly but true) I have a great experience surviving being unpopular and being able to do my work.

So my boss had the nerve to approach me to "talk about me being isolated". He's "concerned" that I am not sharing with the rest of the "team" and they "want me to join them" and "I refuse for some reason" that they "don't know".

So apparently my isolation is a problem because I decide to stay away from them, but when they thought that my isolation was coming from their shunning me, it wasn't a problem.

And here's the kicker: He asked me how I feel. He wanted me to share "my feelings". I wanted to kick his passive/aggressive ass.

I told him that my feelings are something I share with my support system, and that all he needs to know is that I am professional and experienced enough to not let them interfere with my work.

I also told him that I will share my feelings only if I am being discriminated against or under a hostile working environment, and that FOR THE MOST PART that hasn't been the case. Guess what? He completely ignored what I said. Not that I ever bought that he really wanted to know how I feel.

They are stressed because they know they went too far with me, I didn't like it and without a word, I remind them every single day. They want to portray themselves as this power-team that they aren't, and it's hard for them to give that image without me participating in anything outside my basic job duties.

Anyway, I am in this stupid place wasting all my time and talent, but I am doing something about it. I am looking for other opportunities, but I need to leave in a way that is self-loving and beneficial for me. for now, I just have to take that stupid place one day after the other, one foot in front of the other.

Just wanted to share this and get it off my system.