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Need to ramble here. Don't know what is bubbling up from my internal cauldron. Finding the words for something like this taint nothin' easy.
In my current ponderings, I wonder if my newly acquired bee allergy is a cocktail. In the moment when the bees attacked last October, "Silver Polish" was mixing with the beekeeping. My beloved was struggling mightily with Upper Middle Class parental issues. Are there any of us who do not get snippy when we are struggling with our parental issues. I go all Hatfield and McCoy when I deal with mine. My beloved goes J.R. Ewing. We all get something for our baggage car, don't we? Sometimes I think an interracial marriage would have been easier than the inter-class marriage I ended up with.
How much of an in-law drama is any of another in-law's business? For sure the FIL is the author of a lecture series on the evils of mixing family and business. After 34 years of being told to mind my own business, , ,
But after 34 years, feelings happen whether The Board approves, or not. Whatever your emotional rating system, feelings happen. . . In my husband's family, feelings come on a Silver Platter. Hence the reference to "Silver Polish." You eat what is served -complaining is s-s-s-so unattractive- and keep the conversation irrelevant. My White Trash Golddigger roots did not prepare me for too awful many of the nuances and - - - They are none of my business, anyway? ? ?
No FF here. All this is still painfully confusing too me, but I been beating my head on this wall for long enough that the graffiti on my side of the wall is fairly well processed. I think. I hope. I pray.
I miss my beloved when he disappears behind his side of the wall. . .
Thoughts and reality checks welcome.
In my current ponderings, I wonder if my newly acquired bee allergy is a cocktail. In the moment when the bees attacked last October, "Silver Polish" was mixing with the beekeeping. My beloved was struggling mightily with Upper Middle Class parental issues. Are there any of us who do not get snippy when we are struggling with our parental issues. I go all Hatfield and McCoy when I deal with mine. My beloved goes J.R. Ewing. We all get something for our baggage car, don't we? Sometimes I think an interracial marriage would have been easier than the inter-class marriage I ended up with.
How much of an in-law drama is any of another in-law's business? For sure the FIL is the author of a lecture series on the evils of mixing family and business. After 34 years of being told to mind my own business, , ,
But after 34 years, feelings happen whether The Board approves, or not. Whatever your emotional rating system, feelings happen. . . In my husband's family, feelings come on a Silver Platter. Hence the reference to "Silver Polish." You eat what is served -complaining is s-s-s-so unattractive- and keep the conversation irrelevant. My White Trash Golddigger roots did not prepare me for too awful many of the nuances and - - - They are none of my business, anyway? ? ?
No FF here. All this is still painfully confusing too me, but I been beating my head on this wall for long enough that the graffiti on my side of the wall is fairly well processed. I think. I hope. I pray.
I miss my beloved when he disappears behind his side of the wall. . .
Thoughts and reality checks welcome.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
I contend there's no such thing and they shot their image as "liberals and progressives" all to hell by that assertion of theirs. Classism? Seriously? I was offended then, and appalled now, and that's an improvement....
I share my own ramble, if htat's okay. If not, skip to end.
It took my MIL's daughter (my dreaded SIL) marrying two "appropriate" men", one of them abusive and the other a cheater, for my MIL to realize socioeconomic status was *not* an indicator of anything but one's tax bracket. And sometimes, we get into a hell of a fight. (Good example: He feels it's silly to give certain items to food banks because they're not the "healthiest" option. I've been hungry enough we had to eat squirrel and gummint cheese, so I informed him that a box of what he calls crap lasts a boatload longer than a can of what he deems "real food", and yes, we had a good old-fashioned snarl about it.)
....
We're 23 years in, mostly happy, but that difference in perspective? ARGH. There are times we are completely incapable of adequately communicating without it devolving into a nasty spat at worst, and at best? Long and convoluted explanations that wear us both out.
Wish I had thoughts, but my experience in this is.... and bear in mind my hubby's parents were emotionally loving and stable during his childhood, I was the first thing he ever did that showed him anything negative about his family's 'tudes..... His world-view glasses are silver-plated, and mine are duct-taped, and that's a good balance as much as it's a bur under my backside. We keep each other honest In different ways--- I remind him that money doesn't equal morality, he reminds me that poverty doesn't equal it, either.
We still have our hot zones. Always will. Until/unless humanity evolves into spiritual perfection.
GEntle support as your sort, Arfie.
But hubs is in a much more vulnerable place with all this. He is watching his family fade away. . . The silver plating is not likely to last his generation. With the passing of his mother, there is no more glue to hold the family together. These remaining family members can't coordinate on anything more complex than showing up for a catered event.
I am at least trying to pause to wash my dirty fingers before I wiggle them in his open wounds. Yea, I have a right to my own feelings in all this, but. . . I still believe this one's his to sort and mine to respect.
I am thinking now about some occasions in my life that called for being rather than doing. Sometimes all we can do is be a container for a loved one -- you can't solve it for him but you can bear witness and feel compassion for yourself and for him. I am trying to learn that -- when is the right time for doing and when is the right time for being. Sometimes the most loving gesture we can make is to be and/or to bear witness, to observe and silently offer support, which you are also doing through your prayers.
And,by honoring your feelings, you create an environment that makes it safe for him to honor his. He may not make the same leap, bt at least you can say, I've done what I can, and I hope that brings you some comfort.