Whenever I feel that hypervigilence I go for a LONG, FAST walk---just gives me time to let some rational thought trickle in. Just a suggestion.

Yrekadc, my favorite monkey in the whole world, I have similare kinds of rage issues, I know how you feel. what I would do in your place is get the hell out of there. remove yourself physically from the area. Until you know you're calm and not going to get angry again. This is not worth going to prison over, it really isn't. Try to get away. I'll be thinking of you all night as I work. Hoping for the best. Laura

Thank each and everyone of you beautiful people...
i did remove myself for 4 hours. i had to go to work too.. i got in touch with a couple fellow vets who know where i was i my head... they talked me down and brought me back to now...
51 % , he owns the house he lives in... his doper mom left it to him. i live in a small town and the cops don't seem too interested unless there is "money " in the bust for ????
but i do like the idea of calling in i smell smoke ... our house burnt down in 07. so we are sensitive to smoke smells..
i am ok now, i didn't know my son was across the street watching the whole thing and was ready to jump in if the old monkey couldn't hold his own.... ha ha i have ident twin sons. 6'4" tall, strong men...we are a very close family. they also know i know how i can be when cornered so to speak.
well i had a therapy session today too... it was interesting... allot of paperwork. then just to get to know where i am and what i want...
i said i need tools and how to's to cope with stuff, normal things that i guess don't affect others...
i am so glad you folks are here. i have learned allot... i am suppose to get a journal book... not sure how that works. do you just write down what you are thinkin at any given moment??
she said it will help me get to know me.. oh now i am scared. lol
i will see her again next week for more instructions...
now do other people see what you write down?? what if its graphic?? can i use monkey curse words ??
i know most of you have been able to and have cried in your lives. i was 24 when i finally learned it was ok for a man to cry and i did and do.. i cried in front of an almost stranger and a woman at that...
not a big thing to most but it has been a big thing for me. my children have been raised to let it go... boys too.
well i best let you rest your eyes... my love and thanks to each and everyone .... duane

Yrekadc,
Glad you had your friends to help bring you down. Just regarding your journaling, you can write whatever you want. It is up to you if you want to write at the end of the day, at the beginning...I used to do this when I was a teenager and set my mind for my goals for the day, and then go back at night and add what I actually did that day. (long ago). I completely understand worrying about others reading it. What I did is I set up a regular MSword page with a password and it sits right on my desktop on my laptop. My kids can't get in there so I feel good that I can write freely and not leave a paper trail. If you are more comfortable writing by hand, which I have a hard time because my fingers hurt after a few mins, getting that checked out too, you can do that too. Just put it in a safe place..maybe a cashbox with a combination lock or something. (I used to do that too). Hope you do well with your new dr. I am going back to mine today. 3 weeks without therapy and I started feeling super anxious again. :/ Good luck!

Journaling is expressing what is happening with your thoughts, your feelings, your symptoms and use whatever expressions you are comfortable with.
I agree to keep it in a private place, and depending on how you express yourself, either on computer or in an actual notebook (a composition notebook is good) will work.
It is so good you have a wonderful support system to help you.
Best wishes with your therapy!

thanks mideye; the therapist wants me to have a write in book... is she suppose to read it?? hmmmmm? well i'll give it a try anywho... take care now... dc