Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hi. So I think I might have PTSD. I was bullied for the last 3 years and it is still a little bit ongoing now. It has been really hard for me and it has been so difficult to deal with what happened. It is hard for me to think about or speak names or what happened during that time. I have difficulty going outside my house for the fear that I might see somebody I know, from the school I went to when it happened, because even if it isn't one of the people who bullied me, their face brings back so many bad memories. I have come to the terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault and that it probably won't happen again. But it still hurts and it still scares me. The things they said were very awful and very mean. I am almost 16 and still trying to deal with this. I am on some medication because I have severe anxiety and panic attacks/ mental breakdowns. I have been to countless counselors but everything they have given me to try and help me have failed. At this point I feel really hopeless because I am unable to leave my house by myself. I cannot go anywhere without my mom because she is like my buffer in situations. And I hate how much I have to rely on her to be my voice when I am panicked and can't speak for myself. And I just have had many panic attacks. I also can't be in crowds of more than 5 people and loud noises scare me so much. My latest counselor is different than my others because she seems so confident she can just simply "fix" me. That she can cure me of my anxiety. And personally I think she might be a little full of BS. I usually am so willing to try anything but I don't want to be fixed. This makes me who I am. I do however want to find ways to cope. I don't want a cure but treatments to help me along. Right now she is trying CBT with me, and I understand her approach. But the truth is I know my body and I know when I am panicked. I can't simply TELL myself that it doesn't matter and not to panic. It happens. I have no control, and it is EXHAUSTING dealing with this. She wants me to pin-point my feelings when I start to worry and to keep track of that, and then tell myself "So What" or "It Doesn't Matter" but that simply isn't something that works for me. Just telling myself to not panic isn't enough. It has NEVER worked before and yes I have tried it. But it doesn't work for me. I hve looked into a "treatment" I think might benefit me but I am not bringing it up to my counselor until after she realizes she can't simply "cure" or "fix" me, and to just start helping me to find another treatment along with therapy and medication to help me cope. I just could really use some advice from people who might actually understand where I am right now. :(
I was first hospitalized for PTSD when I came to the USA at age 13 for a year's furlough. My missionary family had just come out of a war zone where I car had been bombed. I'd been sexually assaulted by a military pedophile twice, too. My parents had PTSD and were losing it in violence with each other.
In my case, I've never had a therapist offer to fix me. I've got complex PTSD from repetitive traumas at such a young age and over such a long time. That it would be chronic for life was hard for me to accept.
This therapist who offered to fix you, did he or she diagnose you formally with PTSD? I'm not sure from reading your post. Maybe it's just me. Just want for you to be sure we'll support you no matter what. However, we're patients here, and we don't diagnose.
It took me 12 years of weekly counseling I paid for and went to without fail before I found an actual PTSD specialist for a therapist. It made all the difference in the world. The others before him talked about domestic violence in my family, or sexual assault, but none of them could handle a patient with those two trauma categories AND combat trauma as a civilian and a kid. They were used to combat trauma being about adults and soldiers only.
I'd say if you don't have confidence in your therapist, take action and insist on a PTSD specialist for your next doc, ok?
Thank you for the input. I appreciate all of the support. My counselor has not formally diagnosed me with it. Tbh I have repeatedly explained to her that because of what happened I sometimes have nightmares of what could’ve happened as a result, and I am actually afraid of leaving my house because of seeing a kid I went to school with when it happened. Because when I was bullied there were other kids who watched and stared, and they laughed at me. The teachers knew about it but they never even tried to stop it. And it seemed as if nobody cared at all. And now my therapist is telling me it’s not my fault, I know that. But she is telling me I need to start saying “so what” to those situations. “So what” if I see somebody I know and “so what” if they see me too and talk to me. But it’s not quite that simple. Because saying “so what” doesn’t stop my panic attacks. Saying that doesn’t stop me from not being able to move and my chest hurting, and getting really dizzy and bad headaches, and my arms hurting and I start to lose my balance completely. In those situations saying two words is not the answer. And tbh she knows some of the stuff that’s happened to me at my current school that only a few kids know about, and I didn’t tell her. Tbh it is kind of freaky. I just really feel helpless right now. I was hoping for a fresh set of eyes, not somebody who immediately thinks it’s as simple as fixing me and that I can be cured. What she is telling me to do has not worked in the past and I have already tried it before, it still doesn’t work. I just want to feel more confident in being able to leave my house. I have looked into several other “treatments”. One of which I believe could be very beneficial for me and talking to others seem to maybe agree with me. But I doubt my counselor (at this point) would even think about it as a possibility because she is so keen on fixing me.
The “treatment” I have been researching for quite some time now is honestly the aid of a Psychiatric Service Dog. After talking to many people who have similar things to me, and know where I am coming from, I believe it could be so helpful for me. It would be hard work, but I believe it would be way more beneficial for me. But at this point I’m sure my counselor, pcp, nor my mom would even understand why I would EVEN consider such an option. And I’m not saying it is the answer or the key, but I believe that with the aid of a PSD PLUS my medication and counseling maybe I would start to feel better. Because for the last few months I have consistently declined. And I am exhausted from it all.