Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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nelliefay
nelliefay
Help!!! I need my friends on this site who are like me, with PTSD!
First, I met a guy for a second date. We had coffee then walked into the city. We're just getting to know each other. Well, I dropped into the conversation that i had a breakdown and was in and out of psych hospital for a while there. He asked what I was diagnosed, so i said 'schizo affective', feeling more and more like he's going to do a runner. He asked what my issues still are, and I said, well I can't work full time and I can't handle much stress.
He said something about 'so you need a partner who's going to be....' whatever he said.
Like with me being in AA. 'so you need a partner who doesn't drink?'
OH GOD, what's this guy thinking? No wonder I don't do dates!
All up we talked for 2 hours, and he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. but I can't help feeling i didn't pass the interview.
Then it was straight to a good friends dinner party. What a NIGHTMARE for my nerves! All loud talk and cross talk and loud laughter. It was hideous, I felt like my nervous system is shot to pieces.
I was sitting there with everyone talking around me, feeling quite miserable.
I've never been much for social things.
Now I'm back home, I was the first to leave dinner, had to apologize.
Now it's just me and the kitties, and the TV turned low, and I feel MUCH BETTER.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You sound just like me, reading things into what people say.
What were you thinking when he said what he did? Were you thinking he was counting himself out or counting himself in as a partner for you?
Sounds like you weren't ready for the dinner party, too many people and talking for an overly stimulated brain.
Glad you felt free to leave and get back home where you are safe and calm.
I applaud you for even going. I might have made myself sick before I ever went.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Perhaps the second date wasn't the right time to tell him so much. He hasn't had the time to experience you right now as the strong, independent, sensitive woman you are. You've healed through so much of what you told him about. I guess it's hard to identify with being healthy when so much profound damage was once done.

Geez, it's been so long since I've been to a party. I think I would have reacted the same way you did. I'm jealous of your kitties. I want my damn cat back. Try to enjoy the really great woman you are.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think socializing is way over-rated........About this guy i agree that he did not deserve to knnow so much yet...........But if he bails, that says more about him than you.
AgentSmith
AgentSmith
I used to do this. I used to tell wayyyy too much right up front to anyone who would listen. But you're making yourself extremely vulnerable when you do that. You want someone to get to know you, get to care about you, then we you are close, and you know they are trustworthy, THEN and only then, do you tell them things like this.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with everyone. It was way too early to disclose you were schizo-affective. You disclose that kind of thing to people you want to be part of your life. From now on, be silent.
nelliefay
nelliefay
thanks everyone, and you're so right. He asked my diagnosis, and it went downhill from there! I'm OK, I don't think I"m quite ready for this dating scene!!!!t
deleted_user
deleted_user
Try coming here on fri and sat, is cranking.And best thing you can come on yer pajamas and we don't care....lol...

k, not funny. :)))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just out of curiosity, why did you answer him with schizo-affective instead of PTSD?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just to comment. Most people who walk around without diagnoses are not as enlightened as the rest of us. Some things should be kept private unless we find our soulmates. Our diagnoses are one of those things.
nelliefay
nelliefay
It's Sunny, I said schizo affective is what the doctors said. I then said "but I don't think that's right. I have PTSD with psychotic depression.'
I guess it was just sounding worse and worse, but he did contact me again today! So you never know your luck. The psychiatrists said 'schizo affective', a psychotherapist once said 'complex PTSD.'
And all my mental illness is from abuse and trauma, so I think the psychotherapist is right.
Thanks, virlaceygo, I think I have a lot to offer in a relationship, with what i've worked through.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think we're vexed both ways. If we say stuff early on like nelliefay did (and I have multiple mental illnesses as well as being a 12 years sober alcoholic), most guys will do a bolt (which I have experienced). On the other hand, if we hedge around it, get closer and closer, start to form a relationship, become vulnerable, take emotional risks and build trust, maybe even begin to LOVE, and then tell them and they bolt, in my view I would CERTAINLY be destroyed. I think either way, it's about getting lucky to find a guy who wouldn't bolt from you whether it be earlier or later when you told him.

I was toldf by a psychiatrist I was seeing when i had the guy bolt NOT to take it personally and just date date date until you might find the right fit. It's harder for us because of these complications, but it's all about keeping out there. Having said that, I don't date because I'm always in crisis control with all my mental health issues. I'm always waiting for a lull in which I have the capacity to even put myself out there, but there never seems to be a lull.
nelliefay
nelliefay
well, maybe I haven't blown it. The guy emailed me a few times today, and said he appreciated my honesty. Thanks a lot for your support, wendy and everyone else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good luck Nelliefay. I remember thinking I didn't know how I was going to meet anyone and then I met my husband! When you meet the 'one' he just might surprise you, also no matter what don't put up with any nonsense, remember you are special and unique and deserving of a great relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, nelliefay! That is great news that the guy emailed you. I guess I will have to eat my words.
Myself, I've found that I needed an awful lot of healing before I get too close to a guy. I have ruined relationships with some awfully nice guys.
I guess I have to say I admire you for talking about your problems. They say you are as sick as your secrets, so it shows you are doing some healing.
Bravo!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yay! I hope it works out for you! But I agree with what others have said... Don't disclose your Dx until later in the relationship if at all possible. Sometimes it's necessary to disclose such info early on, as in my case I'm on disability due to my condition. It's hard when one of the first getting to know you questions is "what do you do?" I won't lie, and I won't hide. If someone rejects me because I'm on disability, EFF them! I rather know up front!
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