Congrats on your 32 years of sober living! That is something you must be very proud of and if not you need to be. This is no easy task.

Not sure where you live, but I am in Ontario Canada and our weather has been horrible, snow, ice storms, cold and damp. Not at all spring like. I know it is effecting my mood and I have also been battling depression. There other factors too, but we are talking about you right now.

When was the last time you experienced depression? Do you take medications for it? Do you see anyone to help deal with it?

I think it is important to acknowledge your depression but to also acknowledge it will stick for a bit and then leave. I find saying this out loud to myself helps. It is also time to try and do a bit extra self care, listen to music, if you have to sit on the couch do it, but sit in the sun or where you can see out a window. See if you can pick up something of interest such as birds, people outside, or even the sound of rain on the window.

I also find that since I am so unfocused, it helps to have a "to do" list. Write a few things down you want to do, maybe 3 goals for the day. Get dressed, Eat 3 meals, and go outside for 5 minutes. Keep them simple and cross them off when you get them done. It will give you a feeling of accomplishment. Each day add one more small task. If I don't do this I wander the house not really knowing what to do.

When you are feeling better, but together a box of things that make you feel good. Pictures, movies, songs, smells, candies you like. Put your list in there so you can go to the box when you are feeling down and have a plan in place to help you through this crap.

Most of all, give yourself a break. Look after you, watch the negative self talk. My therapist always told me "opposite action". When you do not want to do something because you do not feel like it, tell yourself, opposite action and do it. It worked for me, but everyone is different. I still say it to myself a lot.

Hugs

Thanks for your message. I was doing several groups at the VA ,seeing a counselor and seeing my psychiatrist every 3 months. I take my meds. I try to use the tools I learned about in group. The VA says I can't take anymore groups. I live south of Omaha, Nebraska. Our weather hasn't been very spring like either. We had snow twice in the last week or so. I haven't been sleeping very well at night and so I take a nap some days. I have several nightmares every night and now when I get a nap also. All of this is from ptsd. No matter how much I try to be positive the nightmares still happen. I'm grateful I don't drink over this. For me drinking isn't an option.

Congrats on 32 years! That is a huge accomplishment. I have night terrors. I take Prazosin at night. That has helped me sleep immensely. Many blessings dear friend.

A huge congratulations on your 32 sober years!
Even if you probably know this one: Reframing nightmares helps me a lot (changing their ending to something positive for me once I'm awake, either in thought or writing it down). And be gentle on yourself, lack of sleep is terrible.
I'm glad you don't feel you have to pretend that everything is ok here.
Support and encouragement to you

I can relate to that feeling that you have to "pretend" everything is ok. Sometimes I go out in the world when I am feeling bad and I look at all the other people and they all look so happy. But the truth is there are lots of people pretending just like us :)

It sounds like you could use some more support. Maybe a doctors visit? Try a therapist? Reach out to someone you trust? Can you talk about this at AA? I am sure lots of people recovering from PTSD are there. I think that is often why people start to drink in the first place...take care of yourself and do one nice thing for yourself even if it feels "wrong."

That is awesome that you have 32 years sober. Hope you feel better. Not sure what to tell you to do, because feeling depressed myself, but hang in there.

I lived in your part of the world for about 30 years, Bigmack1960, until I moved out East 7 years ago where I live now. I miss it.

Congrats from me for your years of sobriety, too. Like Khadi, I'm hoping maybe you can talk about your feeling depressed in AA, too. Maybe with your AA sponsor. I know they won't put you down for feeling like you're pretending. "Fake it 'til you make it" is one of the program's slogans after all, right?

Hey Mack, recovery is a journey. Many old timers have found that as the decades build, they hit the kind of impasse that you have. Some get thru it, some don't. If there are some other old timers in the groups up there, please hunt them up. Some of them have found a way thru the impasse, and can share this with you. Bad as this feels, it is the next step up in your program. Old Timers never want to harm new comers, and so we pretend. An honest program, and then we feel dishonest. You are not slipping backwards, just a new mountain to climb. Healing hugs.

It's nice to see you back Mack..... I'm so sorry that you've been struggling though.....

32 years sober is awesome!!.... xo

Hi bigmack

32 years sober is a huge accomplishment!!!

You're so wise seeking therapy & groups to integrate with AA. Ive seen a lot of younger folks enter into AA and NA thinking it's the only way to stay sober. You're digging deep to cope with the triggers by addressing everything & working a stellar program. It's a great example of the real hard work and commitment it takes. I too wish you could share with your group or a sponsor.

Do you think it's possible the medication might need to be looked at and updated? My antidepressant stopped working after about 10 years. I needed to switch it up. Maybe an overall visit as suggested too.

Good luck, you're doin great.

Stopped by to say a few words of encouragement to a strong person who matters to so many empowered by each other's struggles through life, living with PTSD.

I use to have nightmares of death for so many years after April 19, 1995. Myself I had a terror dreams of not surviving! The last nightmare: another airplane crash dream, but as I sat in the buckled seat as the floor ripped away and saw the bottom of the plane rip in half I miraculously survived in my dream; walking away from the burning airplane and finally was alive! No more night sweats of nigh terror's that haunted me for twenty years of PTSD! The thing is; I never survived in my nightmares and it continues to take the time to heal everyday, just one step at a time at your own pace friend! Today all my surgeries gives me nightmares PTSD
and knowing more ahead, but it helps to talk out our feelings and problems and recognize that they require our family physician to know about! Your wellness factor not just your physical health should be monitored by a physician! My doctor got tired of me crying all the time and recommendations 'Happy Pills" Fluxotine". I rarely take any unless the chronic suffering is "so great" and know better than to allow the hurt to turn into self hate!
I find the change of seasons is time to declutter one's life and find something that give you a sense of accomplishment, something that you find rewarding in your life! Heck even take a break from organizing your home and daydream or go fishing , gardening just to call it ' you time' kinda like meditation stuff this helps to center yourself. Take a little time to be selfish towards yourself and go treat yourself to something nice or fun and create new dreams of Happiness ! Be well!

A word of thanks to all that replied to my post. I appreciate all of your concerns and well wishes. Update I'm still depressed but not as much. I can't get in to see my psychiatrist until July 20th. They keep changing the rules at the VA. I guess they don't have walk in appointments anymore. I wonder what a person is supposed to do if they are suicidal? I'm not suicidal so don't worry. I'm thinking of all of the veterans that are.
For the people here that are familiar with AA I've been doing a 10th step to see if some of the depression is caused by my actions. The answer is a HUGE yes. I won't go into detail here about it, this is between my sponsor, me and my higher power. I once talked about one of my extra curricular activities here and was judged by a few. The thing is though it is a direct result of ptsd. I just have to be honest with my psychiatrist, sponsor, myself and my higher power.
If any of this sounds like I'm being a smart a** it isn't meant that way.
Once again thank you for your concerns and may everyone have a peaceful day.

triple hugs ofsupport~

So glad to hear what your working on between yourself, your sponsor, and your Higher Power, Bigmack1960. I came here to this DS PTSD support group because years ago I spent a couple of years in Alanon which made me a believer in 12 Step Programs for people like me.

I was able to link 12 Step work with my work with my psychiatrist in a face to face support group I was in for 5 years, and it was a real help for me. Then I happened upon a good VA doc who was a PTSD specialist and that brought it all together for me.

It sounds like it all may be coming together for your recovery, too, right now. Sorry you can't see a VA doc for so long, that sucks. But I'm really glad for you for how everything else seems to be coming together for your recovery right now. Good for you.