I don't have anything to contribute to your post, but I do want to share something, vent it out also:

Since my discovery of learning about c-ptsd, it changed the world I lived in and those around me. Things changed rather quickly and slowly but surely, people started to bounce out of my life. Some pushed away, some just left. I broke down in the bathroom remembering one of my best friends, well, EX. It made me hurt and cry to see how things have changed and how it impacts me. Most of all, it made me remember how much I don't regret the times spent with her. Friendship lost, maybe another gained along the way?

Point is: Losing friends that are more than friends hurt when they don't understand really, why you have changed. But, I know one thing: I don't know how to let by-gones be by-gones and to let them go. It hurts to be alone. Not to have your closest friends around. Mourn.Cry.Yell if you have to. Scream.

this probably had nothing to do with the post, but I know what you mean by venting things out and being completely restless. I woke up horribly and just headed out the door; I knew what I needed to do...

Glad you know the drill. It's nice when someone like yourself takes the time to vent and then do the drill. Come back and tell us how the drill worked, too, ok? No tone of sarcasm there. It's that it's reassuring. Because we all go through what you describe at some point or another--grieving something & feeling sad, being sleep deprived, feeling snappy. Yup. And then we do the drill and get past it. It's so good to see that happen to others and believe it for yourself when your own turn comes. Blessings to ya.

I'm really thankful that you posted this here on the forum because I'm new to this phase of PTSD. I just got over cycling between feelings of hypervigilance and extreme anxiety and feelings of emptiness. Now, exactly like you described, I go from feeling depressed to feeling extremely angry. I'll try and take your own advice of practicing self-care and receiving support.

You guys make me feel glad that I posted. Sometimes I convince myself that it's "selfish" to post something that doesn't require advice or opinions. I realize that sometimes we can give each other a voice when some of us can't express things.

Thanks. FindingKatB: big hug. It's a loss and it does hurt.

mujicaptsd: "The drill" is nothing ritualistic (I also have ocd, so hell, no rituals!), not even the same thing every time; it's just a reaffirmation of taking care of myself and provide myself with some self-love, whatever my need is at the moment. What I did was preparing a nice meal for myself and organizing something in my room. It helped me. I needed to feel like I was doing something for me and just because I enjoy doing, not necessarily to accomplish something.

silverlining4hope: Please share as much as you need. Welcome.

Thanks for going into detail about what your "drill" was that worked here when you wrote " it's just a reaffirmation of taking care of myself and provide myself with some self-love, whatever my need is at the moment." It really is reassuring. Glad you feel better!

Chris1976,

What you think of as the drill, I think of a s 'hunkering down' -knowing if I commit to stabilizing myself and self-soothing etc. things will smooth out after a while.

Also, am of the opinion a little bit of OCD can be a good thing when life feels out of control. ... I don't have compulsions but am sort of a neat freak and I love orderliness and routine as helpful external representations for reordering my internal life. The order helps me feel in control. Plus I can always find my keys. :-)