Yesterday, i went over to my aunt's place to sleepover. My mom out of the blues decided to make a big fuss about my leaving the sink wet. She usually likes it dry. I didn't find it necessary to dry it because it was still before sleep time. Anyways, i left. I couldn't deal with her mouth. Bitter words like always...

Anyways, i came over. It was between 3-330am i went to her room to sleep. I try to go to sleep, feeling the heaviness of my eyes and my overall feelings of the day. The room was pitch BLACK. Literally, i couldn't see anything at all. It freaked me out a lot. I wondered, what if my bro would come? What if her ex decides to come? All these thoughts were running through my head and i was exhausted. I have no idea at what time i went to sleep.

I wake up feeling like hell ran over and she puts on a Catholic- charismatic show and they were preaching about reaching out to God and that if you want healing, you need to admit that you are sick. Everytime i hear shows or preachings like these, i have this overwhelming guilt feeling come alive, like if I need to feel it more stronger.Body aches, overwhelming guilt and then I go to the Christian center today where there was a preaching about joy and enthusiasm.

I don't mean to be a kill joy but really... its like i feel ppl want me to suppress my feelings and traumas of what I have been through. I dint make it bigger than God but my body and mind has been through enough. It's already hard enough to wake up each morning and i just feel like I am dragging along through the day. PTSD is not a limitation on my life but it is an impact and I am just tired. God loves me...