Im sorry for what you went through. Maybe write that letter, then burn it. write it for yourself. dont edit anything. its good to get it out.
If you do give it to her, dont expect to have that need and want quelled. I think one of the biggest problems with PTSD is letting go. our bodies wont let us let go, and if we could only just let go we could be free again. we have to re train and re wire our systems to do that.

I know for me ,i also have that deep longing for a mommy. just once, to be held, loved just because i am someones child. To belong. to be accepted. but i have to accept that will never happen.
I also have to accept, that every time i try to talk to her and reach her, that it is a trigger for me every time that need is denied, and that if i am not careful, i can get lost in that desolation, and then the anger comes. I have to accept that i do not have a mommy. That i do not have a daddy. That I do not have a family that will love me, or be there for me.

I guess what im trying to get at is, you have dealt your entire life with her not knowing, and im sure it hasnt been an easy road for you. It sounds you already know how she will most likely react though you hold a small hope of a different reaction. is it worth re-living it all? will it put you into a bad place in doing this? or would it make you feel personally better simply because you did it regardless of her reaction? If the answer is yes to the last question... then go ahead and do it. if not, then think of how it will affect you. take care of you. we have to learn to be our own mommies. I know a real mommy, would not want her child to hurt.

I find 51%'s case to be a good illustration. She points out about expectations, and also about what you're prepared to lose, and then mentions protecting yourself. Wisdom from experience, if you ask me.

My own case is not on that scale-I never went on TV--but I can relate. I think she made some helpful points concerning the matter. You speak about journaling. Did I miss something or are you doing this with a therapist's assistance? I definitely did it with a therapist's help, and it was still challenging enough. I would seek one out if you don't have one, and forgive me if you do and I missed that in the postings here.

as a cathartic exercise, and to get it off your chest, i think a letter is a good idea.

not a good idea if the response you might get from your mom pushes you further down into the black.

i sent my psychiatric assessment i had done for my disability claim to one of my abusers. the part about severe child abuse.

In most cases Stas showed mom's knew and turned a blind eye......Its very hard not to...

Mom's may not see the abuse...but they see or feel smething those are the stats.

Andrew Vachss an EXPERT in child abuse has said it many times....The mothers know.

"If she already knew he wouldn't be nervous about telling her"

That is NOT the case letitbe.
On the contrary IF the mother knew and did nothing to protect him .He WOULD be very nervous about it, very nervous about it...There is nothing wrose than to know they KNOW and let it happen and they try to deny it....Their denial of it is worse than the abuse and the feelings for those who turned a blind eye and deny it.Its worse than the abuse.

I can relate to you totally. I am 37 I told my mom of two instances and she cried and sounded surprised and started crying talking ask if my step dad was involved. She said not him. I said No No No. He has always tried to help us. But my flashbacks had him and many other people I did not expect and a lot for long periods of time. I have not heard another word from her. I tried to have a normal family all my life. I tried to bring us all together. Now it just seems to be crumbling . I moved away and remembering so much. The lord is allowing me to heal and have the life I have always wanted. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. I was always triying to find reasons why my parents did what they did. They loved me . But now I am realizing that nothing is there and never was no matter how much I wish there were. I am ready to move on. If you have to tell your mom. I would be prepared for what she might say. I wish I never told my mom . I am glad to now I know where I stand . I never thought I would be going through something like this. It is so unreal and unfathomable. I have fibromyalgia, hemilpalegic migranes, and pstd I believe it is reprecussions from all the sex abuse and pure torture. It is a living nightmare. When I started suffering my memory coming back and the kids had to go stay with my husband mom and dad. But it was great.to blowing bubbles and getting a happy meal at mcdonalds, taking a long walk. skipping. I feel more free to be me more than anytime in my life. Because I do not have a wall up and I felt like I was in bondage. of an invisable enemy . I go to counseling , and they use horse therapy. She is a christian counselor and the horses are big intimidating but they are so insightful and I do not ride them they are retired horses and I have written about a couple of my sessions. I am so happy when I work with them. It does help being out. How to deal with getting out of dangerous situations. problem solving. I am healing and in pain, but I know the Lord Brought me through. To better things. I will pray for wisdom in your situation. You just have to tell her . She will either receive it or not. I do hope maybe the lord will intervi\ene in my parents lives and have healing. But I am ok if not I just want to have a happy rest of my life and help as many other people as I can and make sure my family are happy and healthy.