Hope you get some clarity through the proverbial fog, arfie. Keep writing us, that seems to help you summon and apply those tools. We're here for you.

". . .seems to help you summon and apply those tools."

What an elegant summary of the way peer support helps me in my "Maintenance Therapy." I think those might be the very words I was looking for. Thank you, muji.

On the road again. . . Just about ready to start the three hour drive for Eldest Son's 37th birthday. Is the sibling rivalry still in play? Youngest Son just texted me from the hospital. Again. His one-year-old daughter is having trouble breathing again. Their household hoarding habits have nothing to do with it, of course. Babies thrive on dander and dust. It's the cigarette they smelled in the park yesterday.

No scapegoating. . . It is what it is, whether I understand it, or knot.

Breathing exercises sure come easy to me when I am driving. I wonder if 3 hours of driving will be enough.

I think we all do a bit of throwing the blame onto someone else.

Scapegoating is making everything all one person's fault. (My mother blamed me, not my father, for his drinking and driving. ....Ya know, I shouldn't have asked him to pick me up from the bus station in downtown Pittsburgh. Next time I came home, I grabbed the PAT bus (public transportation). Then I was blamed for not giving her enough notification and scaring her, and this, and that, hell I think she got a spot on her clothes the previous week and that was my fault too because she was upset from thinking about me when it happened...)

IDK, maybe you're scapegoating, but it's not what I see. In fact I only rarely see you writing about specific things your family is going through, and more rarely than that...express opinions on them.

And you ARE entitled to have an opinion. That's not scapegoating. (My mother wrote my former SIL a letter after my divorce complaining about me...who does that??!! And then she looked for labels to stick on me like "autism" to explain why I "couldn't be close to family".)

Oh, if only I could find a goat to scape... Inevitably, mine comes back to me, b/c if I was a decent/worth/whatever I'd... uh.... well, not need t scapegoat and be able to (fill in blank) and so on and blah-de-blah and I get snappy and snarly and look for something I can blame someone for *legitimately*, and as you can tell, it's a real mess up in this puma head....

Supportive vibes.

My strictly personal scapegoating has the potential to escalate to high power rifles in public places. . . During the years the term, "Scapegoating" was coming up allot in my therapy sessions live very far from a tower in which such a shooting took place in 1966. http://www.texasmonthly.com/category/topics/ut-tower-shooting/ . It was where I often went to chew on what the shrinks, etc., were trying to get through to me. I can't help it if all you They/he/she/its all look alike. . . It's a frightening reality to live with. Girl, howdy, I watchdog my scapegoating tendencies. Rage and scapegoating are a dangerous mix. Been a long time since I have had a brass ovaries rage experience, but it is a memorable experience.

Anyhoo. . . Made it back to the Urban Homestead without incident. My feather babies are currently pecking at the granddaughter's walker. She is trying to catch them. Watching chickens with human babies is a hoot. Love at first peck. Watch out for them punk roosters, though. Bully Rooster's pelt is currently decorating the new grow room at the job site. Don't mess with my grandbabies. . .

Holding steady. Thanks for the support.

Aw, you're welcome, arf. Glad you're back without incident. Holding steady for today is an accomplishment indeed for me, too. Hope the weekend brings you rewarding rest.

An oft-used slogan in the Alanon rooms is, "When I point a finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointed back at me."

Personally, I believe that the pointed finger points to things beyond my control. The three fingers pointed back at me point to the problems I can actually do something about.

I have had a Beatles song caught in my head, complete with the mocking brass riff. Is there an orchestra section that mocks more effectively than the brass section? "All You Need is Love." The brass riff has blasted me every time I have been tempted to meanness and/or sarcasm. ES's 37th birthday party was a comedy of errors, but it ended with smiles for all. Well worth the drive back from the job site.

This is not the first time that song has gotten caught in my head. I am beginning to think it might be true that all I need is love. A loving response to rudeness and social commentary produces amazing results, if only to gentle the echoes in my own head. Way too many slings and arrows trapped there already.