Helpful trumps "right" every time for me.

In the end, who is right just tends to become one-upmanship over who is "more" right "more" often.... in my experience at least.... so since I can't tell my BFF I was right that her husband's a cheating scum in a helpful way? I don't say that. I tell her she's a great person and I love her no matter what.

Also, in my experience, men can be told the same truth 90 different ways by 90 different women, but till it's *their* idea, it just won't count. Of course, I did marry a stubborn man....

Do you really believe men have a monopoly on that, Leo, or is the fact that I'm like that just another proof that lady engineers are men trapped in women's bodies?

:-O

Thanks guys. Now to find a way to make it easy...

Want to be sure you knew I was just playing, Leo. Fully appreciate your validation Thank you.

LOL, so was I---I think my hubby's just a particularly stubborn guy on that one, learned it from his dad. And my mom, a nurse, used to fume about how people (male or female) would blow off a female doctor but if a male doc said same thing? Suddenly it's true!

Only way to make it easy is practice as far as I know. My inner self still has that initial urge to be "right" but I've spent years makign sure it's not what gets control of my mouth. I started by sayign what I reallllly wanted to say into a pillow, then going bac k to the phone, for example, an dsaying, "Okay, sorry...." and then saying the helpful stuff!

I agree with the way you are handling it. "I told you so" doesn't help. I am glad they are doing their work for your sake and theirs. I commend your patience.

Oh, as a college teacher this happens about 90 times a day. I just have to celebrate the fact that when they think they were the first to say it, then it sticks and it can be useful knowledge not going in one ear and out the other.

Nobody does Right like a college sophomore, except, maybe, an ex-spouse.

My brain heard " I told you so" coming through loud and clear.

But that never seems to help.

"Nobody does Right like a college sophomore"

Comforting to know, that will be me in six months.

My last round as a college sophomore was greatly tempered by the extra quarter century of life and studying science in my third language.

I suspect yours will be similar wise, Jewells.

I am working hard since my last schooling was at 18...too tired for that math.

By the way, "helpful" or "not helpful" are the two language categories Thich Nhat Hanh uses in his Buddhist meditation books to help us get away from judging things in harsher ways. Helped me, not just about judging others, but judging myself and my mistakes with PTSD and learning to calm flashbacks with his meditation techniques. On his tapes, hearing him say "not helpful" in his gentle voice with his Vietnamese accent was a lot nicer than the abusive voice installed in my head in my childhood that screamed at me when I made a mistake. Lots nicer.

As to tiredness and school, teaching an overload of 7 courses at the college this Spring has me pining, pining for Spring Break. One more week, one more week, just one more zzzzzzzzzz...

"Helpful" and "Not Helpful" certainly strike me as more productive than the judgements of "Right" and "Wrong"

Rocks of Rightness in a cesspool
Only splash up lots of ____
Placing rightness over kindness
Is the misery of it.

Yay you, you are Right
Too Right to be of any help
Your Righteous words are cast in stone
To throw at any open heart

Sigh. The therapist who helped me with my Arithmomania theorized that my compulsive poetry spouting was part of the Arithmomania. Seeking rhythmic parameters...