Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I went to see a Registered Nurse who used to my nurse, when I was in an out of psych hospital. That was about 20 years ago. She was such a lovely nurse, and we stayed in touch even though I got better.
She now works as a counsellor and nurse at another hospital.
I went over for a chat and coffee, just to talk about how life is going.
She was talking about her dad being alcoholic, and badly affected by the second world war.
I thought that would have been very hard to grow up with, and I said 'so how come you're the (high functioning) counsellor, and I'm the patient?'
She said it was a matter of resilience.
I guess I got offended, that she thinks I had a mental breakdown (in 1987) due to being weaker than her.
I think there's a lot that happened to me that didn't happen to her.
Including severe trauma in my 20's, and severe abuse as a little one.
I don't know - my sister also thinks I'm weaker than her because of the breakdown. My sister has a personality disorder, but never broke down.
From having the mental breakdown, I was so very suicidal for years - it took everything in me to stay on the planet and get through the extreme feelings and pain. It took resilience to survive, to get well!.
What do others think?
She now works as a counsellor and nurse at another hospital.
I went over for a chat and coffee, just to talk about how life is going.
She was talking about her dad being alcoholic, and badly affected by the second world war.
I thought that would have been very hard to grow up with, and I said 'so how come you're the (high functioning) counsellor, and I'm the patient?'
She said it was a matter of resilience.
I guess I got offended, that she thinks I had a mental breakdown (in 1987) due to being weaker than her.
I think there's a lot that happened to me that didn't happen to her.
Including severe trauma in my 20's, and severe abuse as a little one.
I don't know - my sister also thinks I'm weaker than her because of the breakdown. My sister has a personality disorder, but never broke down.
From having the mental breakdown, I was so very suicidal for years - it took everything in me to stay on the planet and get through the extreme feelings and pain. It took resilience to survive, to get well!.
What do others think?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
To me, resilience is the capacity to recover and to continue, despite events. If we lacked it, we would not be here. and, forgive me, but what IS a breakdown? To my late dad, it was shwoing a single tear; to others, it is psychotic breaks fromreality. And resilience also depends on putside factors.... I had two abusers in my home AND an alcoholic. how much resilience does anyone have in such a situation? i dunno. i survived. that is my resilience. I am not an alcoholic, i do not abuse others, and sometimes i think if i had jsut been as toxic mean as my dad and his fam, no, i would not have PTSD and associated ills.... i would, however, not be very healthy...
i am sooo sorry you are getting that feeling of being judged so harshly... i think sometimes people judge like that to "look strong".
Hugs to you, and i agree, resilence means you are still here!
Global comparisons like, "You are more resilient than I," are far too generalized for credibility. At best, they minimize accomplishments and self-esteem.
Stay true to your own path, Nel. You are incomparable.
Actually, I think I've been a lot braver than any of them by being willing to look at myself and them objectively and do something about it. Like all of us here. Over and over I see people here having the courage to let memories of abuse come to them so they can learn from them, painful as they are.
Sorry you felt looked down on by someone who mattered to you so much, someone you remembered from way back when. But you know what guts it took to get through that suicidal period you mention you had. Life and death stuff, literally, and here you are. That's courage.
I've only been hospitalized once for suicidal ideations back in 2000, 14 years ago, but I do know what it took for me to choose life. And I choose it every day. Heck, I actually teach Death and Dying classes every day at the community college, so it's my job to think about life and death every day, and come home from work choosing life again every day.
The kind of guts it takes for the likes of us is something only the likes of us can know. I do not say it lightly when I say over and over that it's why I love DS PTSD and come here every day. Nobody but my therapist every got me like people to here, and that's huge to me.
Hope it is to you, too.