Arfi.e,

I'm sorry about Your son, and his wife, I am sure You'd like to forget.....We all would love forget our PTSD/Depression.

I'm having a hell of a time forgetting the family with their down syndrome son.

You tell Yourself, Your gonna forget, But, something makes replay the event's over and over in your mind.

And i resent those people for that......Letting their mentally ill son verbally abuse the way he to me........Cause he was older, he had to know wore about thing's then me......Well, You probably know the rest, I wrote about it, here on the PTSD board.

I resent then, for keeping me in the dark about the whole thing.

As for advice, I wish I had some..........However, there are app's to help cope, there are a few actually, one is called Earkick, an Ai Journal (earkick is also Ai.....there's ton's of em out there.

Hope You find the app's useful

I can see why you would be resentful. So many things changed after "the accident." So it is okay for you to validate that feeling. You are angry, bitter, disappointed and disgusted. How about starting with forgiveness. Forgive all who put you in the position you are in today. Acknowledge your anger - about your loss of freedom, added responsibilities and loss of a loved one. Try to replace the emotion with something positive. There are many videos and books on the subject. Maybe you will find a different method or tool to help you cope. Hoping your depression lessens in its hold on you.

thank you, guitarman. having experienced full trauma induced amnesia, i am utterly convinced remembering is the lesser evil. the drive to forget damages your memory functions across the door. i like to compare it to polishing a hard drive with sandpaper.

but letting go of the resentments that can paralyze me decades after the fact is a whole different story. may you one day take back your power from that evil family which allowed that mentally ill devil victimize you.

thank you, jazzy. forgiveness is always an excellent place to proceed after getting a solid handle on who and what i need to forgive. it's an ongoing process.

Big squishy hug sweetie

I can't imagine how terrible it would be to lose a child

I know that we both have a faith

This is where I often turn to faith as I am reminded what comes next so from time to time I watch The Shack or read it

Ive started to get into ACIM a little and I find that helps with regards to those I've lost

I find when I get down reminding myself via books and/or films helps me....

Btw I agree that validating your feelings is important...Sometimes life just sux

Big hug and a blessing Arf...xo

thank you, suncloud.

there lives more faith in a single doubt than in all the scripture ever written. ~ thomas merton

over the decades i have pondered this statement from the also known as "doubting thomas," the louder it resonates with me. as i sit quietly with the pain and confusion of these cataclysmic changes i find that the cataclysms have brought forth blessings and opportunities i could have come across no other way.

that pain and confusion still bites daddy dick. . .
onward through the fog. . .

aren't we lucky to have so many faith movies to help us process the sucky parts? "the shack" is on the list of movies i rewatch for some reminders, but the one which has had me chewing over time in this go-round is, "bruce almighty" where a corporate newsman is pouting over a missed promotion and god gives him the power to do it his way. he soon learns that maybe god knows what he is doing, after all, and learns to prosper where god put him in the first place. what he really wanted was in front of him, all along.

quite a bit of my current depression is based on getting a second parenting career instead of what i want. i miss my river research. i miss my leisurely retired life. i miss being a stereotypical grandma who hands the kids back in time for the parents to get them ready for school, spoiled rotten and rebellious, of course.

with such detractors validated and set aside, i go on to develop what god gave me.

"the secret to happiness is learning to find contentment in whatever circumstances one finds themselves in." ~helen keller

in case you don't already know
helen keller was a renowned lecturer, despite being blind, deaf and dumb.

Sweetie could you talk to the other grandparent's about them having the kids more during the times that they aren't in school

Maybe a month in the summer or 6 weeks?

Arfiei dont have the words but hope it helps i am sending you big hugs and prayers of support!

suncloud,
other grandparents have been a near total strike out on the collaborative end of this grand adventure. the acting grandparents are keen to hold on to their retirement ease. the other custodial grandparents are stretched as thin as i am, some even thinner. my closest age peer ally is a single great grandmother raising her three great granddaughters in addition to fielding the romantic parents who are fighting like pit bulls without a care for anybody who might fall into their romance pit. two of her girls are the same age as my two girls. we often do sister swaps but the girls benefit more than we do. at least we get a break from the sibling rivalries. she all too often looks like the next strong breeze is going to blow her over.

thank you, angela. prayers and hugs both needed and appreciated.

Huge hug sweetie...I wish I could give you a nice long weekend....xo

in chewing on you suggestion, suncloud, it has occurred to me that the foster grandparent program might be worth checking out. the balancing effect of somebody who can provide them with the traditional grandparent activities could be a blessing for all.

What about Big Brother's and Big Sister's?

I think these people would be well vetted and it could be a resourse to spend time with the kid's in a healthy way

big bro has had a "big brother" since kindergarten when he was in the protective custody with the maternal grandparents. i feel like i have a direct line to god when i am in this man's presence. i wish i could adopt him. he has remained committed to big bro for all the six years since protective custody was shifted to us. we live a 3 hour drive away and don't get to meet up much any more. a chance to meet with "mister dom" is big bro's main motive for visiting his mother's family.

there are levels on which i am proud to say these kids no longer qualify. it's hard, but the situation is stable and the kiddos are not considered, "at risk." then there are other levels on which i worry about the sustainability of that stability.

note to self
worry is like quicksand. you can't build on it. you can only sink deeper into it.

i've been surfing foster grandparents. not looking too feasible. it looks like the same program as big brothers/sisters. just geared to an older volunteer pool.

Prayer's sent sweetie....xo

arfie, yes resentment does hit us at times when our lives are not as we had planned. Humans plan for the future and the universe (God) laughs. I think it is natural to need some kind of help with the kids and the house and all the things that go into parenting. You are their rock but we all need others to help us.

I was thinking about how I have met some estranged parents who find other young families who need a grandparent or two. And they become friends and the estranged parent then has some love and connection and the other family with the kids gets some respite. It is natural to need respite.

I've looked around for this myself but I keep having health challenges so it fizzled out.

We often want what we can't have. I kind of think Foster Grandparents is a program run by the USA federal government where older adults get a small stipend to work in places that need volunteers. Like daycare centers or one lady I knew working in the waiting room of the county low cost pediatric place. I worked at a place that had the contract to administer Foster Grandparents in my town.

I am not attending my old church because my needs have changed but that can be one place to meet other families or older adults. You can look on care dot com for vetted babysitters, too. I see a local church that I could walk to if I could walk that far that says it is mixed, young and old. That sounds promising I think.

I sure understand your worry about the sustainability of that stability. More than I want to say regarding why I worry about that also (not relating to kids though).

Hugs to you.