I used meditation, a lot. I put myself in a meditaive state however many times I felt ike it in a day, got to the serence place, then asked that the healing come. Let the memories and discomfort roll while I am at peace and feel safe and protected. I joined a DBSA support group. They have local chapters all over the place. It was important to see people like me face to face, people who understand. I was comforted, hugged, accepted, understood. In the real world. Made some friendds. When I thought my healing was stalled I actually bought guided meditations to take me back to.......wherever it was I had to deal with at that time. Uncomfortable. But I was in meditaton again, and safe. I also cried or screamed out loud when I needed, went to healing circles, churches to be in positive healng energy. Does this help? Too general?

* very good therapist
* use medication if you need it, don't abuse it
* don't fear the thoughts, feelings, rise of panic (hard)
* don't force yourself into situations that evoke your symptoms: counter condition yourself slowly (Google it)
* don't judge yourself, not by anyone else's standards nor for standards you arbitrarily impose on yourself
* stop thinking you're not "normal" (hard)
* PRAY
* Find a mantra that will help block intrusive thoughts and the sudden rush of panic: this could be a prayer or something you reserve only for these moments (i.e., this will pass, it always does, or something like it)
* Post HERE
* PTSD is a serious and very real condition that most people really have no idea actually exists, they think it's some sort of "shock" we will magically outgrow. Respect its power but don't fear it, you can get better
* Give yourself as much time as it takes to get through an episode; don't tax yourself. Do whatever you need to do (that is not self harming) to baby yourself, care for yourself, etc.
God bless you!

Understanding your history so that you can be self-aware.

That is why I think what you did going back into where the history happened was really great.

realize that you are not mentally ill, you can overcome this. it is not a physical problem with your brain. you have to figure out how your life would be without it. and live it. figure out who you really are. intensive group therapy is great help.

Thanks for the tips! I agree with the history tip for sure, like uno says that was a step I had to take with the trip. I'm glad to see tips that say we agree, too, on meditation and/or prayer, from Milla and Daughter.

It's not a magical thing, but when I feel a panic attack/flashbacks coming on and I'm at work in front of people and could REALLY do without it, sometimes I say this to myself: "May I be full of lovingkindness/may I be well/may I be peaceful and at ease/may I be happy. May I have mental happiness/may I have physical happiness/may I have ease of well being."

I know it sounds dopey, especially the part about "mental happiness." But it points to the fact that if I can't change what's happened in my mind from PTSD in that instant (which would be fine with me, but...) at least I can come to some way to be happy with where I am mentally at that moment.

And that is now I incorporate what bakerchick was so good to add as a tip, too, that I'm after mental happiness in those moments up in front of people at work, not a time to be about mental illness. And the tip on support groups, absolutely. My first five years I never missed a single weekly meeting of my support group. If I hadn't I couldn't participate here and elsewhere. I'm still buddies with a participant in that support group now 1,500 miles and 20 years away from where and when we both joined it.

Anyway, that's what I've been meditating on/praying for, so to speak. It's good that it's become so well known to me now that it's like a reflex to say it. In those moments I need to go to something good like that by reflex, because I get disoriented by my PTSD flashback/panic attack symptoms.

But, as good as it is that it's so familiar it's a reflex, it can be stale, too, and I'm open to new suggestions if anyone has any.

In that spirit, if it's ok to ask, what do you meditate on or pray for or just say to ground or comfort yourself in those moments?

Someone reminded me of mantras, and I was given both a mantra and mandela. the mandela is a crossing of two figure 8's, and a horizontal figure 8 is a symbol of eternity. There was a small circle at the center, so that the small circle had an x in it, and that is a symbol for God. Around the outside was a large circle and that also symbolizes eternity and was divided into 4 parts, with the figure 8's forming a cross, so again that was a larger symbol of God. There are 4 words that go along the lines and are said while tracing along the lines - Trust, Love, God, All. So depending on which direction your finger is tracing, and it can trace in any way, and change direction also, it would say " Trust God, Love God, Love Trust, Love All, All Love, etc. It helps me a LOT, to kind of drown out the negativity, fears, overwhelming emotion and bring me to a good inner place.

Wow, x, in my mind I imagine tracing that figure on desk with a finger as a grounding exercise if PTSD symptoms overtake in a meeting, a class, wherever. In those moments in which whispering to oneself would be inappropriate. Especially, for me, meetings that are tense and bring on stress.

Thanks!

http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm


I don't know how to make a link but if you copy and past this into your browser it should work...

This article outlines with way more detail the concept I am about to describe that has worked so well for me!!! In fact everything this guy has written is brilliant and insiteful and helpful to my healing process!!!!

I have found that instead of trying to avoid the pain of CPTSD I have to allow myself to feel!!! I stop and say, why am I feeling this? And if I can not give myself that answer, like there is no actul trigger I can attach my feelings to then I just allow myself to feel sad that I have had a life that lead to PTSD symptoms... I say, anyone in my place given my history would feel this way... Fill in the blank.... And I let it happen for a moment... The pain, the sadness, anger, whatever is there, i just accept the feelings I am feeling and try and become conciously aware of the triggers in my current einvironment that aided in this flashback into my past trauma feelings... The more I come into awareness of the yucky stuff, the less I hold onto it, then I find myself in the next moment enjoying life, I actaully have stopped myself and said, wait aren't you still sad about that??? Then I realize the answer is, yes I am.... But what I am doing now hasn't anything to do with that... And then I find the joy in my current moment... If that makes sense at all...??? Sometimes I have the gift of words and sometimes I feel quit jumbled up with words, I feel kinda jumbled today... That is why I think you should read this article that I posted and kinda browse the site for more interesting stuff Peter walker has written!!!

I also made a post about EMDR about a month or two ago and I will try and find it to update my feelings on that healing method... I found it to be extremely helpful!!! In fact totally like changing!!! I have struggled with intense suicidal thoughts and self harming during my attacks.... And they where quite frequent!!! Ever since I did the EMDR work around one particular trauma where I was a 12 year old witness to my mother coming off of heroin, I watched her screaming, I wanna die, I want to die, I want to die... And repeatedly hit her head on any surface she could find while blood spurted everywhere... I realized through alot of talk therapy that it may have been this trauma in particular that lead to my flashback pattern of self harm and suicidal thoughts... The EMDR was intense and consisted of many uncomfortable body sensations, I felt like if I had even the slightest doubt about my counselor performing this with me I would have probably gone crazy and punched her in the face and ran away, I wanted to several times... But I stuck the throught he two hours of torture and I crawled out of the office into my car and I felt exhausted, and changed!!! It wasn't to much time before I was understandably triggered into what would have always lead to self harm suicidal thoughts, and all of a sudden I felt this intense anger, I started screaming to my husband.... I want to live, I want to live, I want to live!!!! Over and over, and I was feeling so angry that he was making it hard for me to want to live!!! But I didn't want to die!!! That is so crazy for me!!!! I didn't want to die!!! I wanted to live!!! And since then I have only had one suicidal thought that lasted about .5 seconds and immediately after that I said to myself, what the hell was that that is not at all how I feel.... I NEED TO LIVE!!!
All this being said, I highly recomened EMDR with a trusted safe professional counselor that you also have talk therapy with!!!
I am just totally excited about doing emdr again, my counselor and I have just been trying to find the next most helpful trauma... It is hard with a life like ours, to many traumas to weed through to find the really life impacting ones!!!!

But without allowing myself to feel my feelings as I feel them I do no think I would have had the awareness of how impacting my mothers episode was for me!!! That took deep soul searching and allowing evey feeling to be present when it came, not to push it back, but to walk right through it.... Acknowledge it's presence, validate its place, and accept it for what it is!!! Only doing this along has changed the way I handle my trauma and my anxiety!!!

Also vitamins and supplements... Like Ashwaganda is good for people with PTSD because it aids in cell regrowth, which can help our brains regain normal functioning!!! Also vitamin b and omega 3...!!!!

It really makes total sense lovesmma..Peter Walker stuff is very helpful.

Its very damaging for people including some therapists to try have people feel something other that what they are feeling....Its only through acknowledging why the feeling is there an exploring it until its processed that you can move on....

Tha is why I think knowing our history is so important. Like the history of a country to understand a country we study its history and historians don't try to skip through the ugly episodes in history "ahh lets just skip through the holocaust...to a better time"...NO.

You stop there you acknowledge it happened its studied WHY very thoroughly so its not repeated...The period is grieved, there museums and memorials built in honour of those who suffered its understood and has a special place in history and our hearts with sorrow but its ok.

Same with our histories we don't just try to skip the bad parts and pretend it did not happened....

Lovesmama,
Thank you for sharing, I seen and recognized myself in the article. Dominant Freeze/co-dependant Fawn, has so much relevance for me.
It would also help recognize why the loss of my second husband seems to have tipped the scales on me.

I'm with lovesmama and uno on avoiding feelings v learning how to feel in dealing with PTSD. Avoiding feelings in my PTSD recovery has, just speaking for myself, led to failure. IMHO, feelings, while subjective to be sure, are still an objective fact in that they occur, they exist. I've denied them at my own peril and have paid for it.

Just speaking for me, my use of meditation has been from the beginning the OPPOSITE of "zoning out" and dissociating. Rather, it is sitting down to actually feel and name my real feelings, rather than numb them out. As they arise, I literally say to myself what they are, from love to hate and everything in between, just to learn to feel again.

It's been my experience that repressing feelings (like repressing history, as uno mentions, too) is very unwise because they will pop up when we're least prepared to deal with them, then. For me it was a real breakthrough when I could finally afford to hire a VA-trained PTSD specialist as my therapist. He'd heard it all and didn't overrreact against feelings I brought to the table. So we could work on learning how to feel rather than what uno mentioned, trying to replace what I really felt with some more acceptable idea of what I "should" feel.

It was very liberating and allowed a voice to be given to all my feelings, which hadn't been the case with previous therapists for one reason or another. It no longer mattered whether it was because I held back or other therapists had subtle ways of limiting what was allowed to be said. Probably a combination of the two. But when I finally got the therapist who really wanted it all to come out, things just opened up to a new level of healing that led to my trip this month.

As for tips :
--I've even got the Peter Walker stuff uno mentioned on my pocket calendar because I, too, find them to be that helpful.
--lovesmama, like Jewell, thanks for what you posted. In particular more on EMDR might help a lot of us here. Not all therapists seem to tell us about it.

Muji you should write a book.

First of all the historical period you lived you are a war vet (you witness war) and then the child abuse on top of that..
And your perspective of how you feel and think after revisiting the location where it all took place..

I would imagine that it was like recollecting pieces of yourself and standing up for the child within in every place you were..

Keep letting us know what you think and feel in the weeks and months to come....as it all sinks in.

Muji- I've come to use my training for distance runs as huge therapy for my issues.

I'll start a post about my running and PTSD as a separate thread.

Deli, that's an awesome idea. PTSD's journey on the run. :-)

Uno, thanks for the book writing thought. Someday I really would like to write that book, hopefully in the peace of retirement in 10 yearsback down in South America. If that book happens, it will be because I found a voice here for speaking the unspeakable. I can't believe how fluently we speak here of incredible feelings. Feelings that I, for one, carried buried inside me for years without any hope I would ever have the words with which to describe them.

Being here brings about a freedom of expression I never imagined for people who've been through what we've been through here.

"Being here brings about a freedom of expression I never imagined for people who've been through what we've been through here"

:)